


Never Say Never

by Paige51



Category: Series of Unfortunate Events - Lemony Snicket
Genre: F/M, Mystery, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-01-20
Updated: 2011-01-20
Packaged: 2017-10-14 22:16:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 23
Words: 39,469
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/154058
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Paige51/pseuds/Paige51
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Will be a crossover: A Series of Unfortunate Events/Harry Potter. This story is about Jane Rumary who is an orphan like the Baudelaire's. She was abandoned by her parents at a boarding school in Canada when she was very young. Both parents were mysteriously murdered and the story had been huge in the press until five years after when investigators weren't having any luck with finding suspects. The murder remains a mystery. However, Jane doesn't know about her parents murder. All she knows is that they're dead and all that they left behind was an enormous fortune. She has been miserable ever since she was left at the Ontario Boarding School For Girls. Her parents have been a mystery to her all her life. Jane's life changes entirely when Mr. Poe brings her to live with a new guardian. She finds herself facing the impossible and along the way a bit of romance blooms between Jane and Klaus. In this story Jane will discover things about her mysterious past, who her parents really were, and who she is. The only person Jane has met with the knowledge of her parents is Count Olaf. Olaf has secrets of his own involving Jane's parents and family. Will Jane be able to handle the truth?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue: The Fire

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first fan fiction! It's sort of a crossover but sort of not yet because it's A Series of Unfortunate Events and will soon be Harry Potter. This story is about Jane Rumary who is an orphan like the Baudelaire's. She was abandoned by her parents at a boarding school in Canada when she was very young. Both parents were mysteriously murdered and the story had been huge in the press until five years after when investigators weren't having any luck with finding suspects. The murder remains a mystery. However, Jane doesn't know about her parents murder. All she knows is that they're dead and all that they left behind was an enormous fortune. She has been miserable ever since she was left at the Ontario Boarding School For Girls. Her parents have been a mystery to her all her life. She has no idea where or who she came from and there aren't many documents found under Rumary besides her birth certificate. Jane's life changes entirely when Mr. Poe brings her to live with a new guardian. She finds herself facing the impossible and along the way a bit of romance blooms between Jane and Klaus. In this story Jane will discover things about her mysterious past, who her parents really were, and who she is. The only person Jane has met with the knowledge of her parents is Count Olaf. Olaf has secrets of his own involving Jane's parents and family. Will Jane be able to handle the truth?  
> (The present year is 2008)

This is my first fan fiction! It's sort of a crossover but sort of not yet because it's A Series of Unfortunate Events and will soon be Harry Potter. This story is about Jane Rumary who is an orphan like the Baudelaire's. She was abandoned by her parents at a boarding school in Canada when she was very young. Both parents were mysteriously murdered and the story had been huge in the press until five years after when investigators weren't having any luck with finding suspects. The murder remains a mystery. However, Jane doesn't know about her parents murder. All she knows is that they're dead and all that they left behind was an enormous fortune. She has been miserable ever since she was left at the Ontario Boarding School For Girls. Her parents have been a mystery to her all her life. She has no idea where or who she came from and there aren't many documents found under Rumary besides her birth certificate. Jane's life changes entirely when Mr. Poe brings her to live with a new guardian. She finds herself facing the impossible and along the way a bit of romance blooms between Jane and Klaus. In this story Jane will discover things about her mysterious past, who her parents really were, and who she is. The only person Jane has met with the knowledge of her parents is Count Olaf. Olaf has secrets of his own involving Jane's parents and family. Will Jane be able to handle the truth?

(Klaus and Jane are ten but Violet and Sunny remain the same age)

In the later story, after my ASOUE part of the story, Jane, along with a few others discovers that she is a witch. She attends Hogwarts and falls in love with her worst enemy none other than Draco Malfoy. She has adventures there and learns a lot from her experiences. I'll have a better summary for this continuation once i'm done this half of the fic. This entire fic is a Jane/Draco M./Klaus B. love triangle and i really hope you like it!

The ASOUE part of the story will just be parts of the second book through the fourth book. the scenes from the books that aren't included will be the same as they are in the book. there are actually 14 unfortunate events not including the end of 'The End' because i added a guardian/school after the fourth book. Review and let me know what you think!

Oh also, i am someone who includes music in practically everything so i might put a list of songs that go with the chapters and characters and stuff. The theme song for the entire series is 'Happy' by Leona Lewis. Jane and Klaus' theme songs are 'Open Arms' by Journey,'Never Say Never' by the Fray, and 'Perfect' by Hedley. The theme song for the ASOUE part is "Before it's Too Late" by the Goo Goo Dolls.

 **Note: In my fan fic world, Count Olaf isn't a relative of the Baudelaire's.**

I posted a **trailer** for the **entire** fanfiction on youtube. That way you'll have a better idea of what the story is about. Here's the link: **.com/watch?v=JERSn0tTML8**

(all the links are also on my profile page too)

Here's a link to the next part of the story: **.net/s/6657186/1/Never_Say_Never_The_Dreary_Drama**

 **  
**

* * *

**A Series of Unfortunate Events**

 **The Bad Beginning**

 **Prologue: The Fire**

My name is Jane Rumary. I was born on May 1, 1999; well at least that's what it says on my documents. You see I never really knew my parents. When I was barely two years old I was left at the Ontario Boarding School For Girls in Sudbury, Ontario, Canada. The Headmistress of the School, Mrs. Marshall, was the only person who understood, as her parents had been killed when she was a child however, that's all she would tell me about her childhood.

I grew up at this boarding school until they could find a home for me. I didn't have many relatives and the Headmistress couldn't find my parents. They both died leaving me with an enormous fortune that would become mine when I turned 18. To make things worse, the other kids would often tease me about how my parents abandoned me. They told me that I was an accident and I believed them because, if I were not an accident, I would still be with my parents.

So the kids would taunt me in the halls and one time a girl with carrot red hair, named Carmelita Spats, stole my pink hair tie from me and drenched it in purple paint in art class. She handed back my now purple hair band. So, during nap time I snuck over to her with my still wet with paint hair tie and put it on her head while she slept. When she woke up she had purple paint in her hair and tattled on me to the teacher. I was sent to the time-out room for an hour. She was the girl who started the constant bullying. She often called me names such as, 'Cakesniffer', a name she came up with at her 5th birthday party when I was caught eating a piece of her birthday cake. We were roomates too which made it even worse for me.

My time at that boarding school was a nightmare and I hated my parents for leaving me. I hated them for not loving me. I still do.

Anyways, when I turned 10 years old a banker at Mulctuary Money Management took me in. His name is Mr. Poe and I still live with him, his wife, and two sons, Albert and Edgar.

I got up from my position on the front stairs of Mr. Poe's home. His wife was very kind, though, his sons, Edgar and Albert, were loud and obnoxious which made sharing a room with them a more awkward experience. Mr. Poe would be gone most of the morning, however, in the afternoon I would be placed in the care of a new guardian. Mrs. Poe said it was fine if I went outside for a walk, just as long as I stayed near by. I walked down the busy street, watching as a long black car with dark smoke drifting from the exhaust pipes, turned down the street. I noticed a tall figure of a man inside it who eyed me as he drove past. I shivered.

I sighed and kept walking down the street noticing a rickety trolley pass by but, unlike the car it was going down to somewhere near Briny Beach. The building that I was walking by now was a beautiful church with stone gargoyles perched on the roof. I turned down a street, smelling the various scents in the city's air. I walked past the street that always smelled like fish. I breathed in deeply the scent and tried to pretend I was at a sunny beach, though the traffic made it difficult.

Suddenly, I started to smell something strange, a smell that I found familiar, however, I couldn't place it. I opened my eyes, looked up, and gasped. For, directly across the street was an enormous mansion burning to the ground right in front of my eyes.

I froze where I was, too scared to do anything. When I snapped out of my distress, I quickly brought the 'emergencies only' cell phone out of my pocket and dialed 911. When I reached the firemen I told them about the burning house.

The man on the other end of the line sighed heavily, "Another one?" he asked, appalled. "Impossible!"

"Y-yes," I stammered, ' _What was that supposed to mean?_ ' I thought."Please hurry."

I gave the man the address and he said he would send someone to help as soon as possible. I thanked him and hung up.

I chewed fingernails while waiting. Not many people were at the scene of this fire. I stared into the flames as they licked the sides of the house. I wished there was something I could do.

It wasn't very wise of me to do this but I was thinking of the people inside whose lives were at stake. So without thinking I ran through the doors of the burning house.

I gasped in horror as I watched the flames engulfing an entire library of books, and I heard screams coming from the top floors. I could barely see a thing; there was so much smoke.

"Hello?" I shouted.

There was no answer, just more screams. I climbed the front stairs, stepping over the rubble and avoiding anything that was bright orange.

"Hello?" I tried again, "Is there anyone here?"

Suddenly, someone grabbed my arm and I screamed in fright.

"Shhh! Calm down," a mysterious cloudy figure said over the roar of the flames. I could tell by the sound of his voice that he was an older man. "You need to get out of here! It's too dangerous!"

I just nodded but I was still frozen in shock, so he pulled me out of the house.

I could see the appearance of the man once we were outside. He had sandy-blond hair that was covered by a top hat he wore, similar to Mr. Poe's. His eyes were murky brown and he had dark circles under them. His clothes were burnt and torn and as I looked him up and down something caught my eye. It was a black tattoo of an eye that was printed on his left ankle.

"Are you okay?" he asked.

I nodded.

"What were you doing in there?"

"I-I thought I could help."

I could hear the sound of a siren in the distance. Fire trucks, Police cars, and Ambulances came to a stop in front of the mansion and men and women climbed out and began to put out the flames, which had already reached almost every inch of the home. They didn't notice us because the man had pulled me towards the edge of the forest behind the house.

"Real help is here now. You should go home." He said.

I nodded and began to walk away when I remembered.

"Thank you," I said, turning around as I said it but he was gone.

As I peered into small, dark forest I saw a shadowy figure fall to his knees. He was grieving and I felt instantly sorry for whomever the man had lost in the fire. Maybe his wife had been killed. Or even his children.

I turned my attention back to the fire trucks that I now noticed, had an image of an eye on the bumper. The same one that man had on his ankle. Now that I thought about it, I'd seen that image before today. I raked my brain, trying to remember where I'd seen it. Then I remembered. Mrs. Marshall had that image tattooed on her ankle too. What could that mean?

I knew the firemen were too late to save whoever was inside. One of the firemen told me to step back and I obeyed. I began to cry softly for whoever's family or friends had died in that fire. Seeing a fire burning with people inside right before my eyes… it was unbearably hard to watch. On television it wasn't so scary, but the reality of it made me tremble in fright.

The firemen managed to put out the fire and now all I could see were the remains of the enormous mansion. I noticed the library room again. All the books had probably been burned to ashes. The outside walls of the house were badly burnt and there was glass shattered in some of the rooms visible from where I stood. I noticed an interesting device that looked like a basket of some sort near the front door.

I watched as the doctors came out of the Ambulance to search the home for any dead. They found two burnt bodies and as I looked closely at the corpses they were of a man and woman whom I've never met and they had the same eye as the fire trucks, the mysterious man, and Mrs. Marshall tattooed on their left ankles.

I stood there motionless as the firemen, doctors, and police officers, finished with their task, drove away. They hardly noticed me staring into the once beautiful home. Something from inside the house drew me in. In no time, I was standing in the house, just outside the library. The books, shelves, chairs, and tables were black with soot. One lamp's light bulb had shattered, the glass sprinkled on the torn up floor beneath the sidetable. Smoke wafted through the air and ashes covered the floor. I examined the destroyed library and stopped in my tracks when I found a book sitting on one of the tables. I cautiously stepped towards it. I reached my hand out slowly and ran my fingers down the novel's smooth cover, collecting ash on my fingers. This was one of the only books that hadn't burnt to a crisp. The cover was maroon and in gold letters the title read 'Tadpoles'. There was a plain green bookmark holding a spot in the book.

I picked it up and put it in my pocket. I couldn't stand being here anymore so I left the mansion with the book and ran back down the block until I reached Mr. Poe's home. As I stood outside I realized I was crying again and I dried my tears with the backs of my hands. When I felt better I went inside to find Mr. Poe was back.

I greeted him, trying to hide what I'd just seen. I was supposed to go to my new guardian's house now.

"His name is Count Olaf," Mr. Poe said as he drove down the cobble stone streets of Doldrum Drive.

"I've never heard of him," I said confusedly.

"Well, he claims he was a good friend of your father," he said.

"He knew my father?" I asked maybe this Count Olaf would know why I was abandoned.

"Yes, he knew both your parents very well," Mr. Poe said, before coughing into his handkerchief. "He's a count and an actor. He often travels to foreign places with different theater companies."

"Really? Well, I guess that sounds interesting," I replied as we passed Fickle Fountain. I've always loved theater and I often learnt new songs whenever I could find a songbook and a piano. I taught myself how to play the piano my school had and I was teaching myself how to play the guitar before I left. But for some reason an eerie feeling began to creep up about this new guardian. Something about this count felt wrong and I was scared about what it might be.

Finally, Mr. Poe drove down a small alley lined with houses. All of them looked nice and some even had some nice flowers in the front. It seemed like a nice neighborhood except for a home that was grimy, and dilapidated. The two windows had the shades drawn and there was a tall tower that was tilted slightly to the left. The front door was chipped and was in desperate need of a paint job. I noticed it had an image of an eye on it like I'd seen earlier today. Basically, this place had everything possibly bad about it.

I got out and followed Mr. Poe down the front pathway that was covered in weeds and ferns. He went ahead and knocked on the door, with the eye on it, while I slowly trailed behind. At this point I was terrified, I could barely feel my legs and I was quivering. The door began to open and I saw the same tall figure from the long, black car. The last thing I heard was Count Olaf's gravely voice, "Hello, hello, hello," and suddenly everything turned black...

* * *

To Be Continued...

PLEASE REVIEW!


	2. Prologue: The Fire

This is my first fan fiction! It's sort of a crossover but sort of not yet because it's A Series of Unfortunate Events and will soon be Harry Potter. This story is about Jane Rumary who is an orphan like the Baudelaire's. She was abandoned by her parents at a boarding school in Canada when she was very young. Both parents were mysteriously murdered and the story had been huge in the press until five years after when investigators weren't having any luck with finding suspects. The murder remains a mystery. However, Jane doesn't know about her parents murder. All she knows is that they're dead and all that they left behind was an enormous fortune. She has been miserable ever since she was left at the Ontario Boarding School For Girls. Her parents have been a mystery to her all her life. She has no idea where or who she came from and there aren't many documents found under Rumary besides her birth certificate. Jane's life changes entirely when Mr. Poe brings her to live with a new guardian. She finds herself facing the impossible and along the way a bit of romance blooms between Jane and Klaus. In this story Jane will discover things about her mysterious past, who her parents really were, and who she is. The only person Jane has met with the knowledge of her parents is Count Olaf. Olaf has secrets of his own involving Jane's parents and family. Will Jane be able to handle the truth?

(Klaus and Jane are ten but Violet and Sunny remain the same age)

In the later story, after my ASOUE part of the story, Jane, along with a few others discovers that she is a witch. She attends Hogwarts and falls in love with her worst enemy none other than Draco Malfoy. She has adventures there and learns a lot from her experiences. I'll have a better summary for this continuation once i'm done this half of the fic. This entire fic is a Jane/Draco M./Klaus B. love triangle and i really hope you like it!

The ASOUE part of the story will just be parts of the second book through the fourth book. the scenes from the books that aren't included will be the same as they are in the book. there are actually 14 unfortunate events not including the end of 'The End' because i added a guardian/school after the fourth book. Review and let me know what you think!

Oh also, i am someone who includes music in practically everything so i might put a list of songs that go with the chapters and characters and stuff. The theme song for the entire series is 'Happy' by Leona Lewis. Jane and Klaus' theme songs are 'Open Arms' by Journey,'Never Say Never' by the Fray, and 'Perfect' by Hedley. The theme song for the ASOUE part is "Before it's Too Late" by the Goo Goo Dolls.

 **Note: In my fan fic world, Count Olaf isn't a relative of the Baudelaire's.**

I posted a **trailer** for the **entire** fanfiction on youtube. That way you'll have a better idea of what the story is about. Here's the link: **.com/watch?v=JERSn0tTML8**

(all the links are also on my profile page too)

Here's a link to the next part of the story: **.net/s/6657186/1/Never_Say_Never_The_Dreary_Drama**

 **  
**

* * *

**A Series of Unfortunate Events**

 **The Bad Beginning**

 **Prologue: The Fire**

My name is Jane Rumary. I was born on May 1, 1999; well at least that's what it says on my documents. You see I never really knew my parents. When I was barely two years old I was left at the Ontario Boarding School For Girls in Sudbury, Ontario, Canada. The Headmistress of the School, Mrs. Marshall, was the only person who understood, as her parents had been killed when she was a child however, that's all she would tell me about her childhood.

I grew up at this boarding school until they could find a home for me. I didn't have many relatives and the Headmistress couldn't find my parents. They both died leaving me with an enormous fortune that would become mine when I turned 18. To make things worse, the other kids would often tease me about how my parents abandoned me. They told me that I was an accident and I believed them because, if I were not an accident, I would still be with my parents.

So the kids would taunt me in the halls and one time a girl with carrot red hair, named Carmelita Spats, stole my pink hair tie from me and drenched it in purple paint in art class. She handed back my now purple hair band. So, during nap time I snuck over to her with my still wet with paint hair tie and put it on her head while she slept. When she woke up she had purple paint in her hair and tattled on me to the teacher. I was sent to the time-out room for an hour. She was the girl who started the constant bullying. She often called me names such as, 'Cakesniffer', a name she came up with at her 5th birthday party when I was caught eating a piece of her birthday cake. We were roomates too which made it even worse for me.

My time at that boarding school was a nightmare and I hated my parents for leaving me. I hated them for not loving me. I still do.

Anyways, when I turned 10 years old a banker at Mulctuary Money Management took me in. His name is Mr. Poe and I still live with him, his wife, and two sons, Albert and Edgar.

I got up from my position on the front stairs of Mr. Poe's home. His wife was very kind, though, his sons, Edgar and Albert, were loud and obnoxious which made sharing a room with them a more awkward experience. Mr. Poe would be gone most of the morning, however, in the afternoon I would be placed in the care of a new guardian. Mrs. Poe said it was fine if I went outside for a walk, just as long as I stayed near by. I walked down the busy street, watching as a long black car with dark smoke drifting from the exhaust pipes, turned down the street. I noticed a tall figure of a man inside it who eyed me as he drove past. I shivered.

I sighed and kept walking down the street noticing a rickety trolley pass by but, unlike the car it was going down to somewhere near Briny Beach. The building that I was walking by now was a beautiful church with stone gargoyles perched on the roof. I turned down a street, smelling the various scents in the city's air. I walked past the street that always smelled like fish. I breathed in deeply the scent and tried to pretend I was at a sunny beach, though the traffic made it difficult.

Suddenly, I started to smell something strange, a smell that I found familiar, however, I couldn't place it. I opened my eyes, looked up, and gasped. For, directly across the street was an enormous mansion burning to the ground right in front of my eyes.

I froze where I was, too scared to do anything. When I snapped out of my distress, I quickly brought the 'emergencies only' cell phone out of my pocket and dialed 911. When I reached the firemen I told them about the burning house.

The man on the other end of the line sighed heavily, "Another one?" he asked, appalled. "Impossible!"

"Y-yes," I stammered, ' _What was that supposed to mean?_ ' I thought."Please hurry."

I gave the man the address and he said he would send someone to help as soon as possible. I thanked him and hung up.

I chewed fingernails while waiting. Not many people were at the scene of this fire. I stared into the flames as they licked the sides of the house. I wished there was something I could do.

It wasn't very wise of me to do this but I was thinking of the people inside whose lives were at stake. So without thinking I ran through the doors of the burning house.

I gasped in horror as I watched the flames engulfing an entire library of books, and I heard screams coming from the top floors. I could barely see a thing; there was so much smoke.

"Hello?" I shouted.

There was no answer, just more screams. I climbed the front stairs, stepping over the rubble and avoiding anything that was bright orange.

"Hello?" I tried again, "Is there anyone here?"

Suddenly, someone grabbed my arm and I screamed in fright.

"Shhh! Calm down," a mysterious cloudy figure said over the roar of the flames. I could tell by the sound of his voice that he was an older man. "You need to get out of here! It's too dangerous!"

I just nodded but I was still frozen in shock, so he pulled me out of the house.

I could see the appearance of the man once we were outside. He had sandy-blond hair that was covered by a top hat he wore, similar to Mr. Poe's. His eyes were murky brown and he had dark circles under them. His clothes were burnt and torn and as I looked him up and down something caught my eye. It was a black tattoo of an eye that was printed on his left ankle.

"Are you okay?" he asked.

I nodded.

"What were you doing in there?"

"I-I thought I could help."

I could hear the sound of a siren in the distance. Fire trucks, Police cars, and Ambulances came to a stop in front of the mansion and men and women climbed out and began to put out the flames, which had already reached almost every inch of the home. They didn't notice us because the man had pulled me towards the edge of the forest behind the house.

"Real help is here now. You should go home." He said.

I nodded and began to walk away when I remembered.

"Thank you," I said, turning around as I said it but he was gone.

As I peered into small, dark forest I saw a shadowy figure fall to his knees. He was grieving and I felt instantly sorry for whomever the man had lost in the fire. Maybe his wife had been killed. Or even his children.

I turned my attention back to the fire trucks that I now noticed, had an image of an eye on the bumper. The same one that man had on his ankle. Now that I thought about it, I'd seen that image before today. I raked my brain, trying to remember where I'd seen it. Then I remembered. Mrs. Marshall had that image tattooed on her ankle too. What could that mean?

I knew the firemen were too late to save whoever was inside. One of the firemen told me to step back and I obeyed. I began to cry softly for whoever's family or friends had died in that fire. Seeing a fire burning with people inside right before my eyes… it was unbearably hard to watch. On television it wasn't so scary, but the reality of it made me tremble in fright.

The firemen managed to put out the fire and now all I could see were the remains of the enormous mansion. I noticed the library room again. All the books had probably been burned to ashes. The outside walls of the house were badly burnt and there was glass shattered in some of the rooms visible from where I stood. I noticed an interesting device that looked like a basket of some sort near the front door.

I watched as the doctors came out of the Ambulance to search the home for any dead. They found two burnt bodies and as I looked closely at the corpses they were of a man and woman whom I've never met and they had the same eye as the fire trucks, the mysterious man, and Mrs. Marshall tattooed on their left ankles.

I stood there motionless as the firemen, doctors, and police officers, finished with their task, drove away. They hardly noticed me staring into the once beautiful home. Something from inside the house drew me in. In no time, I was standing in the house, just outside the library. The books, shelves, chairs, and tables were black with soot. One lamp's light bulb had shattered, the glass sprinkled on the torn up floor beneath the sidetable. Smoke wafted through the air and ashes covered the floor. I examined the destroyed library and stopped in my tracks when I found a book sitting on one of the tables. I cautiously stepped towards it. I reached my hand out slowly and ran my fingers down the novel's smooth cover, collecting ash on my fingers. This was one of the only books that hadn't burnt to a crisp. The cover was maroon and in gold letters the title read 'Tadpoles'. There was a plain green bookmark holding a spot in the book.

I picked it up and put it in my pocket. I couldn't stand being here anymore so I left the mansion with the book and ran back down the block until I reached Mr. Poe's home. As I stood outside I realized I was crying again and I dried my tears with the backs of my hands. When I felt better I went inside to find Mr. Poe was back.

I greeted him, trying to hide what I'd just seen. I was supposed to go to my new guardian's house now.

"His name is Count Olaf," Mr. Poe said as he drove down the cobble stone streets of Doldrum Drive.

"I've never heard of him," I said confusedly.

"Well, he claims he was a good friend of your father," he said.

"He knew my father?" I asked maybe this Count Olaf would know why I was abandoned.

"Yes, he knew both your parents very well," Mr. Poe said, before coughing into his handkerchief. "He's a count and an actor. He often travels to foreign places with different theater companies."

"Really? Well, I guess that sounds interesting," I replied as we passed Fickle Fountain. I've always loved theater and I often learnt new songs whenever I could find a songbook and a piano. I taught myself how to play the piano my school had and I was teaching myself how to play the guitar before I left. But for some reason an eerie feeling began to creep up about this new guardian. Something about this count felt wrong and I was scared about what it might be.

Finally, Mr. Poe drove down a small alley lined with houses. All of them looked nice and some even had some nice flowers in the front. It seemed like a nice neighborhood except for a home that was grimy, and dilapidated. The two windows had the shades drawn and there was a tall tower that was tilted slightly to the left. The front door was chipped and was in desperate need of a paint job. I noticed it had an image of an eye on it like I'd seen earlier today. Basically, this place had everything possibly bad about it.

I got out and followed Mr. Poe down the front pathway that was covered in weeds and ferns. He went ahead and knocked on the door, with the eye on it, while I slowly trailed behind. At this point I was terrified, I could barely feel my legs and I was quivering. The door began to open and I saw the same tall figure from the long, black car. The last thing I heard was Count Olaf's gravely voice, "Hello, hello, hello," and suddenly everything turned black...

* * *

To Be Continued...

PLEASE REVIEW!


	3. New Arrivals

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> When I woke up to the sun rising up from behind the trees, I began to feel very anxious. I was anxious because the Baudelaire's, three orphans, are coming to stay at Uncle Monty's home. I was anxious because Uncle Monty has told me a lot about them, including how their last guardian, who was in fact Count Olaf, treated them harshly and was after their fortune that their parent's left behind.

Chapter 2: New Arrivals

When I woke up to the sun rising up from behind the trees, I began to feel very anxious. I was anxious because the Baudelaire's, three orphans, are coming to stay at Uncle Monty's home. I was anxious because Uncle Monty has told me a lot about them, including how their last guardian, who was in fact Count Olaf, treated them harshly and was after their fortune that their parent's left behind.

I realized when Uncle Monty told me this, that the orphans that Mr. Poe had mentioned when Count Olaf was going to be made my guardian were in fact the Baudelaire's. I was relieved that I had disappeared before I could live at Count Olaf's home; however, I pity the Baudelaire's for having to have a guardian who treated them so horribly while I lived happily with Uncle Monty, Gustav, and the reptiles. I'm glad that nothing too horrible happened to them and now they will be safe at Uncle Monty's home, like me.

I was also nervous, because I've never met the Baudelaire's before so I have no idea if they're nice or not. They must be since Uncle Monty speaks highly of them and their parents. However, as much as they'll like Uncle Monty, they might not like me very much. No one has really ever liked me. But maybe not everyone was like those girls at the Ontario Boarding School For Girls.

I got out of my bed and looked around the nice bedroom, Uncle Monty, arranged for me to sleep in when I arrived. He knows how I like theater so he put some Playbill posters in my room from my favorite shows such as, Wicked, Billy Elliot, Mamma Mia, Thirteen, Spelling Bee, Little Shop of Horrors, The Wedding Singer, Aida, Legally Blonde, Hair, and Les Miserables. There are some bookshelves near the window, where I keep my favorite books or ones I haven't read yet including _Peter Pan: In Scarlet_ , which I have just started reading. Next to the shelves there was a long window and a window seat with cushions where I could read or just lounge on whenever I wanted. There was a small wooden desk in the corner.

I headed to the bathroom with my toiletry bag to take a shower. I got dressed and went to brush my wet hair. When my hair was dry from blow-drying it, I parted my hair in the middle and brushed my teeth. I stared at my reflection. My skin was slightly tan from the summer but it wasn't a huge difference from the usual color. My light, golden, blonde hair went a little bit past my shoulders. Although my hair was naturally blonde, my eyebrows were dark brown and my eyes were a rare turquoise color.

I went downstairs to find a box of Cheerios, on the counter so I helped myself to a bowl. I went to find Uncle Monty in the Reptile Room. He was in the process of feeding one of his snakes. I gazed at the ground so I didn't have to watch the poor mouse get swallowed.

Uncle Monty understands that I am not someone who likes to see things like that, so I don't have to feed any of the amphibians. When I asked him how he did it without being disgusted, in a polite way, he said it was just apart of nature and the food chain. He said stuff like that happens all the time in the wild. He said we might see a lot of interesting things in Peru like in the rainforests and we'll need to be very brave. He said by the time we got back, I would be even braver than I am now. I'm very excited to go too because I think it would be so amazing to explore a rainforest full of wild life, though I'm not so excited about all the gross insects that inhabit them. Luckily, Uncle Monty knows how to prepare for a safe journey so that we have everything we need in case of an emergency. I had to get a couple of shots so I would be protected and I have to take a medicine that prevents malaria that tastes terrible.

The Baudelaire's weren't arriving until the afternoon so I went to work with Uncle Monty until he announced that we should bake a coconut cream cake for them. I agreed.

Uncle Monty makes the best coconut cream cake. I went to the kitchen with Uncle Monty to help him with the ingredients. It was soon ready to be baked and I brought out the plates while we waited for the cake to be cooked. Uncle Monty put the icing that he had made himself on the cake while I sprinkled some coconut on it. Just as we were cleaning up the doorbell rang and Uncle Monty excitedly went to go answer it while I finished cleaning.

I heard Uncle Monty greet the Baudelaire's and invite them in for cake. I heard talking and my stomach filled with butterflies. Uncle Monty entered the kitchen followed by the Baudelaire's, the oldest, was a girl with dark hair who looked a lot older than I, followed by a boy with short, dark hair and glasses, he looked my age. I felt something strange inside me when I saw him, something that I've never really felt before and couldn't identify. It was a strange fluttery feeling. Finally, the youngest was only a baby with very noticeable four sharp teeth and then Mr. Poe, my executor.


	4. The Baudelaire's

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Klaus' eyes lit up. "Do you read often?"
> 
> "A little," I admitted, bashfully. He would probably think I was a nerd if I told him how I read as much as I could and whenever I had a good book, I couldn't put it down until I was done. I personally loved to read books. When I was at my boarding school I always used books as a way to escape from the horrible taunting and teasing.

Chapter Three: The Baudelaire's

I hadn't been expecting to see Mr. Poe and I noticed he didn't expect to see me either. When he spotted me his eyes widened like mine did. I was afraid he might say something about the event or tell me I had to leave but, he said nothing.

"These are the Baudelaire children, Violet, Klaus, and Sunny," Uncle Monty informed me, "and this is Jane Rumary, another orphan like yourselves whose parents perished in the exact same way," explained Uncle Monty. I never told Uncle Monty that my parents had abandoned me. Instead, I told him that my parents had died in a fire.

"Hi," I said, shyly.

"It's nice to meet you," said Violet, the eldest.

"H-how do you do," said Klaus, the middle child and only boy. I smiled, shyly.

"Odo yow," said Sunny, the youngest.

"It's nice to meet you all too," I replied.

"Well, why don't we all sit down, eat some cake and get to know one another," said Uncle Monty.

Our guests all took their seats while Uncle Monty served us cake. Klaus, who was beside me said, "I'm sorry about your parents."

"Thanks," I said, and took a bite of cake, "I'm sorry about everything that happened to you and your siblings, you know with that whole Count Olaf thing."

"Thank you," he said, then, shuddered. "But, never mind our troubles or yours. Tell me something about you."

"I really like theater," I blurted, then, felt my face flush.

"Really?" he asked, "Are you from New York?"

"No," I said, which was true. "Why?"

Klaus shrugged. "Just…because of Broadway and you don't seem like you're from around here."

"Oh. Well, are you from New York?"

He nodded.

"I-I'm from Connecticut," I lied and took a bite of cake.

"I knew you were from the east coast," Klaus smiled, making my stomach fill with butterflies. "Which town? West Port?"

"No," I quickly raked my brain for a town in Connecticut. "I-I'm from Ridgefield." I was suddenly glad; I had paid attention in social studies.

"Oh, I've heard of that town. It's where one of the battles of the Revolutionary War took place. I read about it once. A woman fired the cannons for her husband and apparently there's-"

"A cannon still stuck in a stone wall," I finished. "Yes and I read that they're preserving it at a tavern dedicated to the battle and war."

Klaus' eyes lit up. "Do you read often?"

"A little," I admitted, bashfully. He would probably think I was a nerd if I told him how I read as much as I could and whenever I had a good book, I couldn't put it down until I was done. I personally loved to read books. When I was at my boarding school, I always used books as a way to escape from the horrible taunting and teasing. "Mostly fiction, though. Or historical fiction like 'The Boy in the Striped Pajamas'."

He beamed. "I loved that book. And I admit, I read a lot. I read all the time. I find books fascinating because they hold so much information that's just waiting to be read…" he trailed off, looking down at his hands as he took a bite. His cheeks had gone red.

"I like how you see things and the fact that you love reading. I love reading too. Plus, all of that knowledge will come in handy someday when you're on Jeopardy and you're trying to answer that last question." Klaus' head lifted and he laughed. "Besides, reading is good for your brain. It exercises it."

"His reading already has become quite useful," Violet said, who had been listening to our conversation intently. "If it weren't for Klaus…I probably would've been married to Count Olaf."

I turned to look at Klaus, amazed, which made him go red again. "See, what did I tell you?"

Klaus couldn't hide the grin that surfaced on the corner of his mouth.

Suddenly, all of my nerves were gone. The Baudelaire's were the kindest people I've ever met. I think we'll get along just fine.

We talked a bit more and I learned that Sunny loves to bite things and Violet loves to invent things. This would help somewhat with preparations for Peru. Then, we said goodbye to Mr. Poe.

Uncle Monty led the Baudelaire's on a tour of The Reptile Room and I went along. They were very eager to help out with the expedition, which was great. Though, they were shocked when the Incredibly Deadly Viper bit Sunny right on the chin. Luckily, the Incredibly Deadly Viper is a misnomer and is in fact the least deadly snake in the animal kingdom. Uncle Monty is going to play a prank on the Herpetology Society who often teases him about his name. Uncle Monty then let the Baudelaire's choose the bedroom they wanted to sleep in. Then, I just got to know the Baudelaire's a little more.


	5. Stephano

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Stephano's eyes flashed back to one of shock as if he recognized me from somewhere. As if he had run into an old friend unexpectedly but was unsure if it was really them. The Baudelaire's were glancing back and forth between us, quizzically. "W-what is your n-name, little girl?" he asked, studying me carefully. It made me feel a little uncomfortable.
> 
> "My name is Jane Rumary," I answered, "Is there something wrong?"

Chapter Four: Stephano

The week that followed was splendid. Now that the Baudelaire's were here I talked to them quite often.

Violet, who was fourteen years old, was an amazing inventor. She chose a room with an enormous window and Uncle Monty allowed her to put up large pieces of paper on the wall to sketch her ideas.

Violet told me a lot about the things she's invented such as, a grappling hook she had made out of very itchy clothes and some metal pieces that she used to climb to the top of Count Olaf's tall tower with, and a mailbox that triggered a bell. She has also invented many other devices when her parents were alive that were incredible.

One time when I was looking at one of the inventions she had sketched I commented, "You are definitely going to invent something pretty big that'll be worth millions some day."

Klaus Baudelaire, who is only ten years old like me, is probably one of the best researchers I've ever met or heard of. There's no denying that he knows just about everything about anything.

"Well, I promise you, Klaus, that I'll find something that you _don't_ know everything about," I said, one day when we were researching Peru in the Reptile Room.

He laughed, his cheeks flushing red, "Good luck with that."

"Thanks, I'll need it," I muttered and he laughed again.

Some people may think he's a 'know it all' or a 'bookworm', but I love listening to everything he says. I could ask him about anything and he could tell me about it. I could probably never stop listening to him ramble about the books he's read. He asks me a lot about my life before my parents were killed. I usually just make up things, like, the school I went to. He even asks me pointless stuff like, my favorite color, which is red, and my favorite kind of flower, which are roses, tulips, or daisies. He always seems interested too, no matter what I say.

Sunny Baudelaire is so adorable. She is just the sweetest. Violet and Klaus help translate what she's saying. She loves to bite things too, even people. One time she bit me,

"When she bites you it means she likes you," Klaus had explained.

Sunny and the Incredibly Deadly Viper were inseparable. They played together a lot and the snake sat by Sunny whenever she bit the rope for the expedition.

Every day after all our work is done we quickly eat dinner before going to the movies. One time Uncle Monty took us to see 'Charlie St. Cloud' and 'Inception'. They are now my favorite movies.

One morning, after breakfast Uncle Monty was not in the Reptile Room when the Baudelaire's and I went to work. Instead there was a note from Uncle Monty. It said that he was out shopping for supplies for Peru. He would be gone for most of the day and Stephano was supposed to come today. We were supposed to welcome him when he came.

"Can you imagine being in a rainforest surrounded by wild animals?" I said, after we finished reading the note, "I admit I'm a little scared about that. I hope there aren't any of those killer ants or centipedes. I hope Uncle Monty buys bug spray, let alone a nice, safe tent so no critters will get in at night."

Klaus chuckled. "I think you'll be okay and I think Peru will be intriguing," said Klaus, his eyes brightened with excitement. "It's really fun to live with Uncle Monty."

"It certainly is," said Violet. "After the fire, I thought I would never be happy again. But our time here has been amazing."

"Yeah," I mumbled, quietly, looking down.

"I still miss our parents, though," said Klaus. "No matter how nice Uncle Monty is, I wish we still lived in our real home."

"I'm sure we all miss our parents," I said, quickly. The Baudelaire's still didn't know about my past, but I just can't tell them. "However, I've never met your parents but they wouldn't want you to be miserable."

"Of course," Violet said. "Both our parents want us to be as happy as possible."

"Remember that time," Klaus said contemplatively, "when we were bored one rainy afternoon and we all painted our toes bright red?"

"You painted your toenails red, Klaus?" I asked, giggling.

Klaus flushed red the way he always did when I focused my attention on him. He turned pink at the slightest glance.

"Yes, we all did," Violet answered, grinning, "and I spilled some on the yellow chair."

"Archo!" Sunny said quietly. Violet explained that she said "And the stain never really came out."

I was quiet as the Baudelaire's laughed, I was reminded of how every one in school had always been talking about the great things that happened to them, like going to the Caribbean for summer vacation or going to Disneyland. They often bragged about their stuff like new i-Pods or cameras or tickets to concerts. I was jealous that they got to experience so many things that I missed out on. How I had been stuck behind the fences of that school for eight full years while they did so much. I didn't have any fun stories of my childhood like the Baudelaire's. That made me feel a little upset and I had to try very hard not to cry.

I was relieved when we began the day's work. After a while, we heard a car pull up to the front of the house and honk its horn signaling the arrival of Stephano, the new assistant.

"That's most likely the new assistant," Klaus said, looking up from the book he was reading about Peruvian snakes. I was reading one about navigating through the rainforests. "I hope he's as nice as Monty."

"I hope he's as fun and nice as Gustav was. Uncle Monty wasn't joking when he said we were unlucky to loose him, I miss him." I said.

"Well then, I hope he's like Gustav or at least similar." Violet said. "It would be unpleasant to travel with someone that's boring or mean."

"Gerja!" Sunny shrieked. Klaus translated.

"I'm just going to finish taking notes on this page since, I'm almost done," I said. "You can go ahead, I won't be long."

"Okay," said Klaus, "Take as much time as you want. Come out when you're done, though."

"Of course," I said.

The Baudelaire's left. I finished taking notes and waited a little bit, trying to see what I could do to stall. The truth was that I was nervous of what Stephano will be like. I'm always nervous about meeting new people. What if he isn't nice? He didn't seem too welcoming on the phone but maybe that was just a bad impression. Something still nagged at my gut whenever I thought about that phone call. I recognized the voice but I still couldn't remember where. All I sort of remember is that it was the voice of someone that I feared for some reason. I sighed. Maybe it was all just nonsense. Gustav had been so kind, I really don't think any one mean would bother to work with Uncle Monty. Uncle Monty was just so cheery and he always made me smile because he was always so happy. I wished that someday I could be as happy as Uncle Monty is and that it would be as easy as breathing.

I made my way to the front door, opened the it, and stepped outside.

"Oh, hello," I called in greeting of Stephano. His head snapped up in response. He had a beard but no eyebrows along with a lab coat. The Baudelaire's looked up quickly to see me walking towards them. The Baudelaire's face's looked terrified. Was he really that bad? "You must be Stephano, Uncle Monty's new assistant."

He stared at me with wide blue eyes. Abruptly, his eyes narrowed as if he were sizing me up. In the blink of an eye, his eyes were shining brightly as if someone had been telling a joke.

"Yes I am Stephano, and you must be Dr. Montgomery's lovely daughter," Stephano said, thoughtfully.

"That's a lie," Klaus said quickly.

"Well of course it is because I'm not Uncle Monty's daughter," I said.

Stephano's eyes flashed back to one of shock as if he recognized me from somewhere. As if he had run into an old friend unexpectedly but was unsure if it was really them. The Baudelaire's were glancing back and forth between us, quizzically. "W-what is your n-name, little girl?" he asked, studying me carefully. It made me feel a little uncomfortable.

"My name is Jane Rumary," I answered, "Is there something wrong?"

Stephano regained his composure. "Oh, no," he replied, "I-I just thought I recognized you. I was, however, incorrect. But if you aren't Uncle Monty's daughter, then why are you here?"

"My p-parents…um…died…in a fire," I said, grimly. I shrugged, "like the Baudelaire's parents did."

"Oh, how tragic," Stephano said.

"Jane," Klaus said, urgently, "this man is not really Stephano, it's Count Olaf."

"Who is Count Olaf?" Stephano asked, perplexed.

I looked back and forth between Klaus and Stephano not knowing what to do. I didn't really know whom to believe. I've never really seen Count Olaf so I couldn't recognize him. He had an accent though, so he couldn't be Count Olaf.

"Klaus, you're being ridiculous," I said, "this man is Uncle Monty's assistant not Count Olaf."

"We're not being ridiculous," Violet cried.

I hesitated. I did believe the Baudelaire's now. but from what the Baudelaire's told me, Count Olaf is a very evil man. What if he kills me or something? Maybe if I seemed innocent then, he would leave me alone. Of course, I didn't want the Baudelaire's to get hurt either. They were my friends.

"Look," I said, "I've never met Count Olaf, but from what you've described, he looks nothing like him."

"I'm still confused about who this man is," Stephano said.

The Baudelaire's looked at me pleadingly. I had to play innocent though. Besides, I was just a ten-year-old girl, I was no match for a tall, greedy, mean man.

"I'm sorry, I spoke to Stephano briefly on the phone the day Uncle Monty hired him and their voices don't sound any different," I said. "I'm sorry Klaus, Violet, and Sunny, I know how frightened you are but this is plainly not Count Olaf." I turned to Stephano, "I'm sorry for the misunderstanding, Stephano. I hope you can forgive the Baudelaire's. Now, would you like to come in?"

"Why, thank you, I'm sure that I can forgive the other orphans for now," Stephano replied, smiling.

I didn't look at the Baudelaire's while I helped them carry in Stephano's very, heavy suitcase that had a huge lock chained to it, while Stephano followed behind. Why would Stephano or Count Olaf have a lock on his suitcase?

We set the suitcase down inside at the front door.

"Thank you orphans." Stephano said.

"Would any of you like a sandwich?" I offered, needing an excuse to get out of the room, "I'm going to go to the kitchen to make myself lunch."

"No, thank you," Klaus said. Violet and Sunny both shook their heads.

"I'd certainly like a sandwich, I'm hungry after the long car ride," Stephano said.

"Well, what do you want?" I asked.

Stephano rudely ordered his sandwich and I left for the kitchen. The reason I left was so I could try and eavesdrop on the conversation going on in the hallway. I needed to be sure that I wasn't making a mistake. I made the sandwiches and ate mine while I listened.

"Now, Dr. Montgomery said my room would be waiting upstairs. I suppose I can carry my luggage from here. Now run along. We'll have lots of time to get to know one another later." Stephano said.

"We already know you, Count Olaf," Violet said. "You obviously haven't changed a bit."

"You haven't changed, either," Stephano said, so quiet that I had to strain my ears to listen. "It is clear to me, Violet, that you are as stubborn as ever. And Klaus, you are still wearing those idiotic glasses from reading too many books. And I see that little Sunny here still has nine toes instead of ten."

I furrowed my eyebrows.

"Fut!" Sunny shrieked.

"What are you talking about?" Klaus said impatiently. "She has ten toes, just like everybody else."

"Really?" Stephano said. "That's odd. I remember that she lost one of her toes in an accident. I seem to recall there was a man who was so confused by being called repeatedly by the wrong name that he accidentally dropped a knife on her little foot and severed one of her toes. And you have that innocent little friend of yours. Who knows what an angry man would do to her?" I gasped. Stephano had a knife? Did he just threaten the Baudelaire's and I? I tried not to groan, knowing that I'd made a huge mistake, but even if I had listened to the Baudelaire's, how could I do anything to help? I was just a kid. As I thought about my 'innocence' I grinned as I came up with an idea. No one, not even some man with a knife was going to get away with hurting my friends or me. I may have been a target for bullying at my old school but not once did I ever at least try to get my revenge. I stared at Stephano's sandwich for a minute before I grabbed the bottle of hot sauce from the fridge. And let's just say the bottle happened to 'slip' and the sauce went all over the inside of the sandwich. I smirked.

"You wouldn't dare," Klaus was saying as I listened in again.

"Let's not discuss what I would or would not dare to do," Stephano said. "Let us discuss, rather, what I am to be called for as long as we are together in this house."

"We'll call you Stephano, if you insist on threatening us," Violet said. "But we won't be together in this house for long."

I heard Violet, Klaus, and Sunny walk through the enormous doors of the Reptile Room.

"Is my sandwich ready?" Stephano asked from the kitchen door and I jumped.

I turned to face Count Olaf and gave him my sweetest smile.

"Oh, yes! I hope you like it!" I said, cheerily. I gestured to his sandwich before I walked swiftly past him and headed into the Reptile Room.

As soon as I entered I stopped. Violet was leaning against one of the cages with her hands covering her face. Klaus was sitting in one of the chairs, trembling so much that I could hear his feet rattle against the marble floor. And Sunny was curled into a ball so small that I almost didn't see her there. It broke my heart to see them like this.

"Hey," I said quietly.

They looked up at me. Klaus looked sad and it broke my heart even more.

"I'm sorry," I continued, "about what happened. I do believe you." I sat down in one of the library chairs beside Klaus.

"Why, then?" Klaus asked, hoarsely.

I shrugged. "I trust you. And I heard what he said to you in the hall just now. the only reason I didn't believe you was because…I mean, I'm just a girl. I'm no match for some terrible villain. No one listens to kids."

"You're right," Violet said, sighing. "I'm sorry, Jane."

"It's not a problem at all," I said, "I 'accidentally' poured a little too much hot sauce on his sandwich."

They gave me small grins but were still trembling in fear.

"How did he find us?" Klaus asked. His voice was still a husky whisper. "How did he get to be Uncle Monty's assistant? What is he doing here?"

"I don't know how he became Uncle Monty's assistant so quickly; he called and was hired the same morning that Uncle Monty received the strange letter of resignation from Gustav. I think it sounds a little suspicious to me." I said. "I hope he didn't hurt Gustav." I added shuddering at the thought. The Baudelaire's shuddered too.

"Olaf's here because he vowed that he'd get his hands on the Baudelaire fortune," Violet explained, moving her hands from her face to pick up poor Sunny who was shivering uncontrollably. "That was the last thing he said to me before he escaped. He said he'd get our fortune if it was the last thing he ever did." Violet shuddered. I knew what would come next: Count Olaf would kill the Baudelaire's if he ever got their fortune. I shuddered.

"And we all saw his expression when he saw Jane," Klaus said. "He knows she's an orphan too. Do you think he'll be after her fortune as well?"

"Of course," Violet said, looking at me. I knew they were right.

"What can we do?" Klaus asked, giving me a worried glance. "Uncle Monty won't be back for hours. What if Stephano tries to kidnap us?"

"Maybe we can call Mr. Poe," Violet suggested.

"He wouldn't believe us," Klaus said. "Remember when we lived there? He took such a long time to realize the truth it was almost too late. I think we should run away. If we leave right now, we could probably get to town in time to catch a train far away from here."

"Where would we go?" Violet asked.

"Anywhere," Klaus said. "We could all go far away where Count Olaf can't find us, and change our names so no one would know who we are."

"We don't have any money," Violet pointed out. "How could we survive on our own?"

"We could get jobs," Klaus replied. "I could work in a library, maybe, and you could work in some sort of mechanical factory. Jane could work wherever suits her taste and Sunny probably couldn't get a job at her age, but in a few years she could."

"Klaus, you and I both know that won't work," I said, they all turned their gaze towards me. "You think that leaving is going to solve your problems? Being here is safer than running away. We could never make enough money to support ourselves through those kinds of jobs. Besides, Count Olaf would still be able to find us and this time you'd be more vulnerable, because you'll have no one to protect you, well, except me and I don't know if I'm a match for Count Olaf."

"You're right," Violet said. "We're going to have to find another way to handle this situation and be brave about it. I think we should wait until Uncle Monty gets home and we can talk to him, he'll believe us."

"What if Uncle Monty and Count Olaf are cohorts?" Klaus asked.

Sunny shrieked something that Violet translated as, "Don't be ridiculous!"

"She's right, Klaus," I said. "I was there when Uncle Monty hired him and before when Uncle Monty's last assistant, Gustav, worked here. Uncle Monty would never do something like that; he and Gustav were best friends. Besides, even if he was, Olaf wouldn't insist on using a different name or wear some ridiculous disguise."

"That's true," Klaus said. "So we wait for Uncle Monty."

"We wait," Violet agreed.

"We wait," I decided.

"Tojoo," Sunny said, gravely.


	6. Warning

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Stephano reached into his pocket and brandished a long, sharp knife. He sneered as he brought it a few feet away from Klaus's throat. Klaus stood there immobile out of fear.
> 
> "No!" I cried, "Stop!"

Chapter Five: Warning

At sunset, Uncle Monty's jeep pulled up with a canoe strapped to the top of it. Uncle Monty struggled with some shopping bags and paused to smile at us, we smiled back. Then we dashed to the entry to find Stephano already there, talking to Uncle Monty.

"I didn't know what kind of tooth brush you wanted," Uncle Monty said, apologetically, "So I got you one with extra-firm bristles because that's the kind I like. Peruvian food can be sticky, so you need to have at least one extra toothbrush, whenever you go there."

"Extra firm brushes are fine with me." Stephano, said, while looking at the Baudelaire's and I with his shiny, shiny eyes. When his eyes rested on me I saw him scowl. I smirked. He must not have enjoyed his sandwich. "Shall I carry in the canoe?"

"Yes, but you can't carry it all by yourself," Uncle Monty said. "Klaus, please help Stephano will you?"

My eyes widened and I stared at Klaus who glanced at Stephano and then back at Uncle Monty.

"Uncle Monty," Violet said, "We have something very important to tell you."

"I'm all ears," Uncle Monty said, "But first…" Uncle Monty rambled on about insect repellent. Klaus interrupted

"Uncle Monty," Klaus said, urgently, "This is an emergency, we don't have time to wait."

"Klaus," Uncle Monty said, his eyebrows rising in surprise, "It's not polite to interrupt. Now, please help Stephano with the canoe, and we'll talk about anything you want in a few moments."

Klaus opened his mouth to speak.

"Klaus, if you don't want to I guess I could help." I said. I couldn't leave Klaus alone with Stephano.

Klaus looked at me like I was crazy. He then saw the concern in my eyes. "No, it's okay, I'll go."

"No," I protested, under my breath. Klaus seemed determined to not have me go. I sighed, "Fine, then, I'm coming with you."

Klaus grimaced. "Jane, please, I'll be f-" he started.

"No you won't be 'fine'," I interrupted.

I stared at Klaus firmly. He sighed, knowing I wasn't going to back down easily. He nodded and we followed Stephano out the door. We walked down the driveway and to the jeep. When we reached the back of the jeep Stephano turned around. He glanced towards the house and back at Klaus and I. We were standing closely beside each other we were so terrified.

Stephano looked at me and then glared at Klaus. "Clearly my warning wasn't clear enough earlier today," Stephano said, dangerously, "but since your brat baby sister isn't out here, I guess we'll just have to settle for you, Klaus."

Stephano reached into his pocket and brandished a long, sharp knife. He sneered as he brought it a few feet away from Klaus's throat. Klaus stood there immobile out of fear.

"No!" I cried, "Stop!"

Stephano smirked as he turned to glance at me. "Oh, don't think I've forgotten about you." he snarled, "You think you can just run away like that? And think I wouldn't find you? And then you thought you were so smart when you put all of that hot sauce on my sandwich…I should have known you were just as big of a brat as the Baudelaire's."

"Jane, you know Count Olaf?" Klaus asked, shocked.

I sighed. "Sort of, I'll explain later."

"You didn't tell him?" Stephano cried, mockingly astonished, "Well, since we're telling the truth, Jane didn't lose her parents in a fire." He laughed cruelly, "she was at a boarding school before I offered to take her in."

"Is that why you were giving me weird looks when I went outside to greet you today?" I asked.

Stephano stared at me for a second. "Yes, of course," he answered, but I saw something else flicker in his eyes that I didn't understand.

Klaus looked at me shocked. "Jane, is this true?"

I glared at Count Olaf. "Yes it is true," I admitted, "so you can go off and tell your siblings now. You can go ahead and hate me and make fun of me because maybe my parents weren't as loving as yours. I don't have good memories like you and your siblings' do. I never lived in a giant mansion with a library full of millions of books. I've never really even had a place to call my home. Maybe there's just something wrong with me. Are you happy now Count Olaf? We just met and you already ruined my life."

"At least I'm honest," Count Olaf crowed, "and call me by my real name or I'll teach you a lesson that you'll never forget. And this time you aren't going to be able to run away."

I laughed. " _You're_ honest? _Please_ , look at yourself, you're dressed as a lab assistant and you're using a different name." I frowned at him. "And honestly, I have no idea how I got away from you all those weeks ago but whatever happened, brought me here and I'm so glad it did. Well, I was until you had to show up. Now, put the knife down."

"I'm not going to listen to you, you naïve little girl," Stephano growled.

"Stop!" I cried again, as he brought the knife closer to Klaus, "If you're going to kill anyone let it be me!"

Stephano rose what should have been an eyebrow. "You would really give your life for this boy who you barely know? This _'bookworm'_?" Stephano said.

I nodded. "He's more than just some 'boy'," I retorted, "and I don't care if he's a 'bookworm'. I like that he's the brightest boy I've ever met. He's probably smarter than you."

Stephano sneered. "Is this 'boy' your boyfriend?"

"What?" I said, "No we're just friends."

"Are you sure?"

"Um…yes I'm sure," I replied, "now stop threatening him! Kill me if you want! Just leave Klaus and his siblings alone!"

"Jane!" Klaus cried, "Don't!"

"Why would I kill you?" Stephano said, ignoring Klaus.

"If you don't kill me I might accidentally let it slip that you're Count Olaf to Uncle Monty. I don't care if you're holding a knife to my throat when I do it, just don't hurt Klaus or his siblings. Besides, I'm just a girl," I said, "I'm not smart like Klaus or clever like Violet. And I'm not smart like Sunny is either. All I know how to do is play the piano, sing, act, and dance so I'm pretty much useless. Besides, I'm not afraid to die."

"You act, huh?" Count Olaf questioned, looking slightly amused, "well then you should know that I have won many awards for acting."

I smirked. "I'm sure you have," I said sarcastically. I rolled my eyes.

Stephano or Count Olaf if you prefer shot daggers at me. "If you don't believe me, I'll be happy to show you all of the trophies I won once I've got you and your friends in my clutches. Since you're not afraid of death, I guess it won't be so horrible for you. But when I get my hands on you, you'll beg me to not kill you."

"I'm sorry to rain on your parade," I said, "but I'll never be in your clutches and neither will the Baudelaire's."

"Oh, really?" Stephano growled.

"Yeah," I spat, "because I'm not going to let you."

Stephano brought his knife away from Klaus and moved it closer to me.

"No!" Klaus cried, "Don't hurt her!"

"Silence!" Stephano yelled, then he said in a lower tone of voice, "I'm not going to harm this girl. Well, at least not yet. If I did, then, I wouldn't get her fortune. In fact, I think I'll give Jane a second chance. Maybe if you're a little nicer, I may spare you after I get your fortune or at least give you a fast death. It's clear the other two brats got the message. Now why don't we be civil and carry in the canoe for dear, Uncle Monty?"

Stephano lowered the knife and put it away. He strode over to the jeep and reached up to pull the canoe off of the roof. He looked at Klaus and I and gestured to the canoe.

"What are you two still standing around for?" he cried impatiently.

Reluctantly, Klaus and I helped Stephano lift the canoe and carry it inside.

My heart sank. How could we tell Uncle Monty if Stephano kept threatening to kill the Baudelaire's? I didn't want Klaus of all people to get hurt. I don't know why, but it made me feel like I was losing something more important to me than just a friend. Klaus wasn't just 'some boy'. He was a better friend than I ever imagined having. I may even like him a little more than as just a friend, though I'd never admit it. Klaus was too intelligent to fall for a girl like me. He needed someone as smart as him. I was glad I met him, though. He's the only boy that has made me feel this way. Maybe that's because my school had been all girls so I didn't know a lot of boys my age. But I couldn't get him off of my mind. Who knows if this would last, though? It was probably just a crush. I'll get over it soon.


	7. Worries

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I posted a trailer for the entire fanfiction on YouTube. Here's the link: .com/watch?v=JERSn0tTML8
> 
> "No matter how long I spend in this home, it could never truly be home to me," I said.

Chapter Six: WORRIES

The rest of the day was just as horrible. Stephano kept watching us carefully. When the rest of the items were brought in Stephano only carried them in one hand, keeping the other in his pocket where his sharp knife was. Uncle Monty didn't notice because he was too excited about all the things he bought.

When Stephano helped prepare the dinner he used his own knife to slice the mushrooms, as he smiled at us menacingly. Uncle Monty was too busy cooking the rest of dinner to notice. At the dinner table, Stephano told stories that made Uncle Monty laugh and praised Monty's scientific work. I gritted my teeth every time Stephano said one of his stupid remarks that I knew were lies.

When dinner was over, Uncle Monty announced that he would show Stephano around the Reptile Room and the Baudelaire's and I went upstairs.

"Good night, Violet, Klaus, and Sunny." I said.

"Good night, Jane," Violet said. Sunny nodded and they went into their bedrooms, leaving Klaus and I alone in the hallway.

"Good night," Klaus said.

"I-I'm sorry about…you know…" I trailed off looking down at the ground.

Klaus gave me a small smile. "It's okay, Jane," he said, "I'm just glad you're okay. I'm sorry for how I reacted it was uncalled for."

I nodded. Tears brimmed at the corners of my eyes.

"What's wrong, Jane?" Klaus asked softly, "Why are you crying?"

I reached up to wipe my eyes with the backs of my hands. I shook my head. "I-I just…didn't expect you to forgive me that easily," I mumbled, "or accept me really. I guess what I'm trying to say is…thanks…for being such a good friend…well…goodnight." I left, going into my bedroom. I felt more tears coming and I pulled my legs up to my chest on my bed and began to sob. I've never had someone be so, so kind to me before. He's not quick to judge or anything at all. He was my one and only real friend.

It was only a few minutes before the door opened and Klaus, who was still dressed stood behind it. I didn't say anything and he didn't either; he just came to sit beside me. I sobbed even harder.

"Are you alright?" Klaus asked.

"I've just…never really had a friend like you," I explained, tears fell from my cheeks, "I don't really think I deserve it all. I'm just not one of those people that good things happen to. I guess it's just that I've never really gotten over my parents leaving me. I just want them to come back. I wouldn't be resentful…as long as they took me home wherever home is. But…they're just not coming back…"

"I'm sorry," Klaus said, softly.

"Oh, Klaus _I'm_ so sorry," I said between sobs, "I'm sorry about everything-" My voice cracked at the end and I began to sob some more.

"No, don't be sorry, this isn't your fault," Klaus said, "I understand if it was too overwhelming for you to tell me the truth. Losing someone you love is hard. I know that now."

"It is my fault," I sobbed, "I mean if I hadn't given the phone to Uncle Monty when Stephano called to ask to be his assistant, none of this would have happened."

"But, you didn't know he was Count Olaf, you've never even met him before." Klaus said. "So you can't blame yourself for what happened."

I sighed. "I think it's time that I was completely honest with you. Can you keep a secret?"

"Yes," Klaus said, "of course."

I sighed. "So I guess you already know that my parents didn't die in a fire."

Klaus grimaced. "Yes," he said, "Stephano made that clear."

"I knew from the minute I saw that man that I would hate his guts," I muttered.

Klaus gave me a slight smile. "I wish I had foreseen that," he said, "maybe I could've done something to stop this. By the way, you're not the one who should be sorry. If anyone should be sorry, it's me."

"Klaus," I protested, "You did nothing wrong. You're not a bad person."

"But if I hadn't come here," Klaus said, "Count Olaf wouldn't have come here either and you would be safe. Maybe this place could have eventually been what you could finally call 'home'."

I couldn't believe how selfless Klaus was. Of all people, he actually cared more about me? I hardly deserved it.

"Klaus, no matter how long I spend in this home, it could never truly be home to me," I said, "So don't feel guilty about something as ridiculous as my wellbeing. Besides, you can't lose hope. I promise you that I'll do whatever I can to help you and your siblings. I could never hate you for coming here. After all, if you hadn't, I wouldn't have such a good friend. I enjoy having you around to tell me about the Trojan War and all those other things that you read about."

Klaus gave me a small smile. "I'm still worried, though. I don't want you to sacrifice your life for mine. Count Olaf's dangerous. Maybe you were right to pretend you thought he was Stephano. Maybe you should listen to Count Olaf and be nice, whatever that means to him."

"I'm not going to be nice to someone who's a dangerous villain," I said, "I'll try not to say anything too rude but I'm not going to compliment him or anything. You shouldn't be worried about me, though. I can take care of myself. I'm a lot tougher than you might think. I don't let people mess with me without getting my revenge."

"J-just be careful," Klaus said, intensely staring into my eyes, "so, go on about your parents."

I blinked, trying to focus.

"Oh…yeah," I gained my composure, "Well, when I was just a baby, I was found on the doorstep of the Ontario Boarding School for girls in Canada." I took a deep breath. It always hurt to remember my past. "I never knew why. But I guess that my parents just didn't want me or something else. They both died mysteriously and I have no other relatives. That's why Mr. Poe sent me to live with a family friend. I had no idea my parents knew Count Olaf. But ever since I've felt like my parents didn't want me…that I wasn't as good as everyone else because I was a 'mistake'. I mean, they just abandoned me…without even leaving a note that informed the school of who they were and where they came from. The only thing they left was my birth certificate. Then, after that my parents were killed somehow. I was told that they died in a car accident."

Klaus' eyes were wide. "That's terrible. Did you not have a good time at the boarding school?"

"That was a miserable time," I replied. I launched into my story about everything that happened to me at the Ontario Boarding School For Girls. How I had to do all kinds of chores in order to pay the school so they wouldn't send me onto the streets.

"They told me that I was an accident and they're right," I said, deflated.

"No," Klaus said. "You're not an accident."

"But I am!" I cried, tears ran down my cheeks, "If I wasn't, then, my parents would still be here, right? They wouldn't have abandoned me. They didn't love me."

"Well, I don't think you're an accident," Klaus said, "I can't believe someone as great as you could have been an accident. Your parents had to have loved you."

"Thanks," I said, quietly. "Anyways, that's why I didn't believe you right away when you said Stephano was really Count Olaf," I looked down. "I've never really been able to trust anyone before. I've always been lied to. No one's ever loved me enough to tell me the truth and I never wanted to confide in anyone I've met. I've learned not to trust people that I don't like or don't know. I don't know if I can really trust your siblings just yet. They're very nice of course, but for some reason it's easier for me to trust you. Am I right to trust you?"

Klaus nodded sincerely. "You can always trust me," he said. "I trust you."

"Good," I said, smiling a little. "'Cause there's more."

Klaus nodded and I went on. "A few weeks ago, I was living with Mr. Poe because he's my executor, as well, so anyways, I was walking down the street and first this long, black car passes me with a dark figure inside. For some reason I was frightened so I sped up walking a little. Then, I began to smell smoke. I looked over and an enormous mansion was on fire so I called the fire department. I told the fireman who answered about the fire and he said that there was another fire happening at that time but he said he would send help. I couldn't wait for them to come so I went inside.

"Oh, it was terrible. There was an enormous library that was burning to ashes and I could barely see. Screams were coming from the upper floors, and then, somebody grabbed my arm. It was a mysterious man who I couldn't really see because of all the smoke. He warned me that I should get out. So I did. That's when the fire department came and put out the fire. When they came, the fire trucks, all had the same eye that you described on Count Olaf's right ankle. The mysterious man and the Headmistress of my boarding school had the same tattoo. I remembered the person who had told me to get out so I looked over to see if he was still there. But he was gone. The firemen found two bodies that had been nearly burnt to a crisp inside. They left the house, not realizing I was still there. I reentered and saw the destruction. I entered the library and everything was ruined. It was horrible. All of those books full of so much knowledge…lost like a footprint in the sand when it's washed over with waves. But I found this one book that had been in fairly good condition. It was bookmarked and everything." I got up and went to my bag. I dug through it and took out the book. I held it out to Klaus and I heard him gasp and his eyes went as wide as saucers.

"J-jane, that was the book _I_ was reading. I think you witnessed the destruction of my home."

I gaped at him. "Oh, my…that's even worse!" I jumped up and started to pace back and forth. "I thought I was going to be in trouble for stealing but, now that I witnessed-"

"Jane, relax," Klaus was in front of me and placed his hands firmly on my shoulder's forcing me to stop, "I was just shocked. You did nothing wrong."

I looked away from his brown eyes that bored into mine. "Fine."

"Is that all you wanted to tell me?" Klaus asked, letting go.

"No," I mumbled, sitting back down on the bed. "There's another strange thing that I want to talk to you about. You see, while Mr. Poe drove me to Count Olaf's home, I began to get butterflies because I was strangely nervous about Count Olaf who claimed that he was a close friend of my father. When Mr. Poe stopped the car it got even worse and as I walked up the path to his home, he opened the door and everything suddenly went black. The next thing I knew I was in a very dark tunnel underground. I could barely see but there was a stream of light coming from what looked like a trap door. I climbed through the opening to find myself in the Reptile Room. And that's how I know Count Olaf, he recognized me just like Mr. Poe did. That's also how I got here. I don't understand how I escaped Count Olaf, I just did."

"That sounds strange," he said, "but I believe you."

"So you haven't read anything about that kind of thing happening?"

"Only in fiction."

I sighed and sat back down on my bed. "Maybe I'm dreaming or something. What could explain something so extraordinary? And I discovered another thing that I can do, watch."

I reached my hand out towards the bookshelf and concentrated really hard on one of the books. The book fell out of the shelf and floated to my hand. It stayed frozen in the air until I grabbed it.

Klaus was studying me. "Maybe it's some kind of magic. Like in Mathilda."

That made sense. "But Mathilda never disintegrated into thin air and appeared in another location."

"Well, you said you knew little about your parents," Klaus said, "so maybe you inherited it from them. Maybe they had magic somehow."

I sighed. "Maybe," I looked down at my hands then back up at Klaus, "D-do you believe in magic?"

"I'm not sure," Klaus said, gazing out the window, "but maybe magic is real and it's just right under our noses but people have so many logical explanations for things that they don't notice that maybe somethings can't be explained."

We were silent. I could hear the faint sound of crickets chirping and an owl hooting outside.

Klaus smiled and looked back at me. "You know, if I had been one of the kids at that boarding school, I would've been your friend."

I smiled brightly. "I know."

We stared at each other for a second, and then I blushed and looked down.

"What else do you like? Music?" Klaus asked, gazing at the Broadway posters along the walls.

"Yes," I said, nodding. "I love singing and listening to music. My iPod is something I can't live without."

"Will you sing something for me?"

I looked down at my hands, blushing bright red. "Not right now."

"Why not? I'm sure you're amazing," Klaus said.

I blushed even more. "N-not right now," I repeated, "later."

"All right, fine but I'd like to hear you soon," he said. "What's your favorite song?"

I sighed, thinking. "I don't have a favorite song, I have favorite _songs_." I replied. Klaus chuckled. "But I like Taylor Swift, Lady Gaga, and the Fray. And that's just naming a few."

Klaus laughed. "I could tell you're a Taylor Swift kind of girl," he said.

I crossed my arms over my chest. "What's that supposed to mean?"

Another smile appeared at the corner of his mouth. "I d-don't know you just seem like your as genuine and kind-hearted as Taylor Swift."

"Well, then I should warn you that I used to be a major Britney Spears fan." I said, "You know, back in the day before she shaved her head."

Klaus chuckled again. He went over to the bookshelf stalked with a few books. "I like the Fray. I don't like Lady Gaga though. Britney Spears isn't the greatest role model either."

I grimaced. "Yeah, maybe not. That's what I thought about Lady Gaga in the beginning, but I'm now a huge fan. She's not exactly a great role model but I love all of her songs especially, 'Speechless', 'Bad Romance', and 'You and I'," I said.

"Do you listen to classic rock at all?" Klaus asked.

"Do you mean Led Zeppelin, Journey, U2, the Who, and the Eagles?" I asked.

Klaus brightened. "Do you like them?"

"Of course, I do!" I cried, as if it were obvious, "I love old music. It sounds so much more genuine compared to the music today. I mean, all of those amazing guitar solos…"

Klaus was now examining one of my books. "Twilight?" he asked, skeptically.

I grinned. "Oh, you be quiet about that. I just started reading that book. I haven't seen the movie so I don't despise it yet."

"Which team are you on?" Klaus asked, with a raised eyebrow.

"Well, I've only met Edward so far so…I'm Team Edward," I said, "but I'm also Team Taylor Lautner."

Klaus grinned now. "Of course you would like the vampire," Klaus said, "Violet does too. She won't admit that she likes the Twilight series to anyone who isn't a fan. I think you two will get along."

I beamed. "I hope so."

Klaus returned the book back to its spot on the shelf. He looked at the clock beside my bed. "It's getting late, we should probably get some sleep. Thanks for telling me."

"You're welcome," I said. "Here's your book."

"Keep it," he said, "that way I'll always have a reason to come see you."

I beamed. "Do you promise not to tell?"

"I swear," he said, solemnly as he walked out. "Good night."

"Good night," I whispered.

I didn't move at first. I just stared at the door. A smile broke across my face and I flopped down on my bed and hugged his book to my chest. I haven't been this happy in a while. I really did trust Klaus. He made everything seem brighter. With him, my life didn't seem so horrible, after all.


	8. Zombies in the Snow

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's a new chapter! On the first chapter i might have mentioned that i would be skipping a few parts in the first four books. Otherwise this would take forever and the first four don't have a lot of the important parts of my fan fiction. So I skipped the part where Uncle Monty and the Baurdelaire's and Jane discuss Stephano and Uncle Monty thinks Stephano is a herpetological spy. He rips up Stephano's ticket to Peru and a few moments later a lamp falls from above and hits Uncle Monty. Uncle Monty suspects that Klaus wasn't being careful with his things as the lamp was his but he knows very well that he wasn't being careless. As Violet and Klaus and Jane bring the lamp back upstairs to Klaus' room they face Count Olaf/Stephano. they confront him and know very well that Stephano threw the lamp out the window. Stephano makes a comment that even though Uncle Monty tore up his ticket, 'even the best of plans can change.' he goes on about an accident.

Here's a new chapter! On the first chapter i might have mentioned that i would be skipping a few parts in the first four books. Otherwise this would take forever and the first four don't have a lot of the important parts of my fan fiction. So I skipped the part where Uncle Monty and the Baurdelaire's and Jane discuss Stephano and Uncle Monty thinks Stephano is a herpetological spy. He rips up Stephano's ticket to Peru and a few moments later a lamp falls from above and hits Uncle Monty. Uncle Monty suspects that Klaus wasn't being careful with his things as the lamp was his but he knows very well that he wasn't being careless. As Violet and Klaus and Jane bring the lamp back upstairs to Klaus' room they face Count Olaf/Stephano. they confront him and know very well that Stephano threw the lamp out the window. Stephano makes a comment that even though Uncle Monty tore up his ticket, 'even the best of plans can change.' he goes on about an accident.

That's basically all that i skipped. Enjoy! Review please!

* * *

Chapter Seven: Zombies in the Snow

The following evening Uncle Monty took the Baudelaire's, Stephano, and I to the movies. Tonight we were seeing Zombies in the Snow; apparently it was one of Gustav's favorite movies. We climbed into the car. Unfortunately, there wasn't enough room in the car for everyone to have their own seat. Poor Sunny was stuck on Stephano's filthy lap. I stared gloomily out of the window. As it was the middle of October the leaves on the trees had changed to various different colors. All of the different colors gave the forest that we drove by an enchanted look. I normally would have marveled at how simple beauty could be but today I wasn't in the mood.

For the whole day at work in the Reptile Room, the Baudelaire's and I worked under Stephano's mocking stare and Uncle Monty's oblivious chatter. We had barely said a word to Uncle Monty all day apart from our conversation this morning about Stephano. Unfortunately, our talk accomplished little and according to Stephano he plans for Peru to be the location to steal our fortunes. He said he'd kill us in the place where crimes are more difficult to trace. Whenever I remembered that conversation chills ran up my spine. I just hoped Zombies in the Snow would be good to at least bring something positive to our day.

At the multiplex we all sat in a row, Uncle Monty was on one side, and Stephano sat between Violet and I. Sunny sat in between Uncle Monty and Violet, on her booster seat that she enjoyed chewing on as we watched the movie. Klaus sat on my other side. Stephano, of course, had to hog all the popcorn while I leaned away from him, disgusted.

"Pig," I said under my breath. Stephano glared at me. Klaus, who heard laughed softly.

That wasn't the worst of it. Maybe Gustav and some other people liked Zombies in the Snow but I definitely wasn't one of them. Every minute made me even more stressed about our horrible circumstances. By the middle of the film I couldn't take it. I stood and Uncle Monty glanced at me.

"What are you doing, Jane?" Uncle Monty whispered.

"Um…I need a refill of my drink," I whispered back.

Uncle Monty smiled. "Hurry back," he said, as I left.

I exited the theater and went to the lobby. It wasn't a very crowded theater as it was in the middle of nowhere. I got a refill of some coke from a grumpy looking man at the concession and sat down at one of the few tables.

"Hey."

I looked up and saw Klaus was standing in front of me. I smiled. "Come sit." I gestured to the seat next to me.

Klaus sat down. "You don't like the movie, I suppose?"

"Zombies aren't really my thing," I said, taking a sip of my drink, "I'd much rather see a movie where the characters aren't dead."

"It's funny that you say that," Klaus said, "because I remember you told me you liked Edward Cullen. Aren't vampires supposed to be dead?"

"Don't be so technical," I replied, "Besides, Edward Cullen is said to be godlike. Those zombies are the farthest things from godlike."

Klaus laughed. "You have a point."

"Let's not talk about all this mythical stuff and focus on more important things," I said.

"You mean Stephano?" Klaus asked, "I still think we should have run away."

I rolled my eyes and laughed. "If running away was the best solution to facing horrible circumstances than I would have run away from that awful boarding school."

Klaus sighed. "That's probably true. I just can't stand not knowing what Stephano's planning. We already know he wants to murder us but how will he manage that without a ticket to Peru?"

"I really hope that foiled his plans a little bit," I said, "but maybe going to Peru won't be so bad, even with Stephano. We could always push him into quick sand or he might get eaten by a black panther. Peru is dangerous, even for Count Olaf."

We talked some more about it until we decided we should try to think of better things. Every word he said made me fall more in love with him.

"You smile so much," Klaus said, "that it's impossible to believe that you're miserable."

I sighed. "Well, no one I've met has ever made me so happy. Honestly, I can't remember the last time I smiled this much. I know we're in a bit of a crisis but I'm still happy."

"I'm happy that you're happy," Klaus said, "It's nice to know I can make you smile."

I smiled. "Do you want to make a promise right now…to be friends forever? No matter what happens."

"I promise," Klaus said, and I knew he meant it.

"I promise too," I said.

Klaus and I talked a bit more, mostly about other less miserable topics.

"Hello orphans," said a scratchy voice. I stiffened. It was Count Olaf of course or Stephano.

"What are you doing here?" I asked. "Don't you want to enjoy the movie?"

"I was just about to ask you the same thing," Stephano said, "You better not be doing anything that might make me angry."

"We were just having a conversation," I cried, "That movie sucks so go back inside and watch the movie. We're not doing anything wrong."

"I don't trust you," Stephano said, "You, foolish girl, you might be able to lie your way out of some things but when the truth is revealed, you'll wish you'd never been born."

"What am I lying about?" I challenged, "You already blurted the truth out for me yesterday to Klaus. There's nothing else you have on me."

"You know all to well about what I'm talking about," Stephano growled, "You can't pretend anymore, I know who you are."

"Yes. I'm Jane Rumary an orphan everyone knows that," I said.

"That's not what I'm talking about," Stephano said, "at least there's a lot more to that."

"What are you talking about, then?" I cried, "How do you 'know who I am'? I just met you yesterday and the last time we encountered, I just disappeared without meeting you in person. So don't tell me that you think you know who I am. You know nothing about me."

"I heard almost those exact words along time ago," Stephano said, in a far-off voice. "In fact, I guess I knew your parents better than you do or ever will."

I grimaced. "Maybe you did. And maybe you know why I was abandoned."

"I know nothing about any of that," Stephano countered, "I haven't seen your parents in years. It's so unfortunate that they died, though. Well, I guess I'll leave you two bookworms alone."

Stephano turned and headed back into the theater.

Klaus was staring at me, just as perplexed as I was.

"What was that about?" Klaus asked.

"I have no idea," I said, "maybe he knows something."

"How could he know so much about your parents?" Klaus asked, "I couldn't imagine why they would associate with Count Olaf of all people."

I bit my lip, a habit sometimes when I was nervous. What if Olaf knew something significant about my parents that he was refusing to tell me? What if Olaf was the only person I will ever meet who knows about my parents?

"Do you think he knows something…huge about my parents?" I asked Klaus.

Klaus frowned. "Even if he did, I don't think he'd be willing to tell."

My heart sank. I didn't think I really wanted to find out what Count Olaf knew about my parents. What if he knew a terrible secret about them?

When the movie ended Uncle Monty asked where we had been. We told him there had been a long line and by the time we got our drinks the movie was ending. He believed it but Stephano eyed us we drove back home. The Baudelaire's and I were silent. Dread still filled me and I couldn't get the feeling that something was wrong out of my mind. We were all very silent and barely said a word on the way back. I stared out the window again. Now the moon shone brightly overhead, a full moon. There were a few stars out too and although I knew it was foolish, I wished on one of the stars that everything would be okay and that no matter what happened, we would make it through. Again, it was foolish. I did this many times before, wishing that the star would bring me back my parents. But that never happened.


	9. The Foil

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's another chapter! Again, i skipped a few more parts. I skipped when they discover Uncle Monty dead in the Reptile Room the following morning. Stephano takes the Baudelaire's and Jane to the Prospero but collides with Mr. Poe who was driving to Uncle Monty's to bring the Baudelaire's luggage. The Baudelaire's and Jane try to tell Mr. Poe who Stephano really is but he refuses to believe it. The rest of the description is in this chapter. Soooo Enjoy! And there will probably be only one more chapter left for the Reptile Room after this. I'll post the Wide Window parts to this same story since i'm only doing a few parts from the third book. PLEASE REVIEW!

Here's another chapter! Again, i skipped a few more parts. I skipped when they discover Uncle Monty dead in the Reptile Room the following morning. Stephano takes the Baudelaire's and Jane to the Prospero but collides with Mr. Poe who was driving to Uncle Monty's to bring the Baudelaire's luggage. The Baudelaire's and Jane try to tell Mr. Poe who Stephano really is but he refuses to believe it. The rest of the description is in this chapter. Soooo Enjoy! And there will probably be only one more chapter left for the Reptile Room after this. I'll post the Wide Window parts to this same story since i'm only doing a few parts from the third book. PLEASE REVIEW!

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 **Chapter Eight: The Foil**

Violet, Klaus, Sunny, and I had tried to tell Mr. Poe that Stephano was Count Olaf but he wouldn't believe us. We tried to show him Count Olaf's tattoo of an eye that the Baudelaire's said was on his ankle but he had covered it with concealer. Of course, Mr. Poe was fooled again. We went back to the house and Stephano went ahead with the jeep. He said he was going to reach a doctor. But the doctor seems to be an idiot and believes that the Mamba du Mal broke out of its cage, bit Uncle Monty, and then it just climbed back in its cage and worked the locks itself. Honestly, that is the lamest excuse I've ever heard.

After talking some more about the dilemma, Mr. Poe made us excuse ourselves from the table. Reluctantly, we followed Violet into the Reptile Room.

"We have to do something," I said, immediately.

"Yes," Violet said. "We have to prove to Mr. Poe that Uncle Monty's death wasn't an accident and that Stephano is really Count Olaf."

"Then, we need really good evidence," I said, "Once Stephano is behind bars he won't be able to harm anyone."

"Including us," Klaus said.

Violet nodded. "Now, Jane and Klaus, I need you to research about the Mamba du Mal."

"But that could take days," Klaus said.

"We don't have much time," I said, "and you don't want to end up alone with Stephano in Peru, do you?"

"All right, fine," Klaus said. "Let's get started. Here, you take this book." He handed a book to Violet who didn't take it.

"I'm not taking any book," Violet said. "I'm going upstairs to see if I can find evidence in Stephano's room."

"Alone in Stephano's room?" I asked.

"I'll be fine," Violet said, confidently.

"Are you forgetting whose room it is?" I cried, "What if Stephano finds you? 'Cause that wouldn't be the best situation to be in. If you want, I could come."

"Alright," Violet said, sighing. "But, Sunny, I need you to guard the door and bite anyone who comes in."

"Ackroid!" Sunny shrieked, which probably meant "Roger!" because Violet started heading to the Reptile Room doors. I followed closely behind. When we reached the kitchen door Violet stopped and stuck her hand out so I knew to stop too. She took her hair ribbon out of her pocket and dropped it to the ground, kneeling slightly. I knelt down beside her, listening to the conversation behind the door.

Apparently, the adults were still trying to figure out which car we should ride in to town. We had time, though, so we stood up and very quietly headed up the stairs and down the hallway to Stephano's room. When we reached his door Violet stopped. My heart was pounding loudly in my chest with fear that we'd get caught. Adrenaline moved through my veins. I didn't want to think what Stephano would do to us if he just happened to go upstairs.

"Come on," I whispered encouragingly to Violet. "It'll be one hundred times more terrifying if we're alone with Stephano then, being alone in his bedroom."

Violet nodded slightly and turned the brass handle doorknob and we walked inside. We both began to search the room for any evidence. I looked around the bed, which was unmade and covered in crumbs. There were curtains covered in something crusty. I almost puked when we realized it was Stephano's snot.

As I searched near the bedside table I stepped on various papers and postcards on the floor. I found nothing on the bedside table so I turned to walk around to the other side where Violet was looking. As I took a step forward my foot landed on something round. I slipped and fell on my butt.

Violet's head snapped in my direction. "Are you alright?" she asked.

"Yeah," I answered. I found the cause of my fall was an empty wine bottle that had been lying around, actually they were scattered all over the room. "Whoa, he really likes wine."

Violet rolled her eyes. "Oh, I know," she said, wrinkling her nose in disgust.

I started to get up from the dirty floor when one of the papers stuck to my hand. I pulled it off and saw that it was some kind of conversation through a telegram. I scanned the letter but it was just from some lady named Abigail Murray talking about her baby. I noticed there was a wine splatter on the letter that looked almost like blood…

"What's that?" Violet asked, noticing what I was reading.

I shrugged. "Nothing useful. It's just some telegram conversation between Count Olaf and some women. All it talks about is her baby. The lady's name is Abigail Murray."

Violet gasped. "What?" she cried. She strode over and knelt down to take a look.

"What's wrong?" I asked.

Violet grimaced. "Nothing really important at the moment. I heard about the Murray family. The parents were mysteriously murdered a long time ago. There was this huge murder investigation in the news for years. I haven't heard anything about this family for quite a long time. Maybe Count Olaf had something to do with the murder." Her eyes widened in horror, "what if he committed the murder?"

"But why would they contact each other if he was responsible for it? The telegram makes it seem like they were friends of some sort." I pointed out.

"I don't know," Violet said, studying the paper carefully, "well we should keep it. It might be useful."

Suddenly something about the murder mystery crossed my mind. "Wait," I said, "what happened to the baby?"

"No one knows for sure," Violet said, "but the most widely accepted theory is that she was killed too."

I stared hard at the telegram. 'That poor family,' I thought. I pitied the baby especially. She had been so young and her parents had been taken away from her like that. My parents had just abandoned me and died later on in a car crash…

"Come on, Jane," Violet said, holding her hand out to help me up from the ground. "We'd better get out of here. Let's stop at the kitchen door again, though."

I nodded silently and put the note back in my pocket. We made our way, quietly down stairs and back to the kitchen door where we listened again.

"I've told you over, and over again," Stephano said, growing angrier. I shuddered thinking about how he may have actually murdered that unfortunate family. "The children should ride with me while you ride with Dr. Lucafont and the corpse. It's that simple."

"Perhaps you're right," Mr. Poe said with a sigh. Violet and I looked at each other scared to death. We hurried back into the Reptile Room.

"Klaus, Klaus," I cried.

"Tell us you've found something!" Violet cried from behind me. "There's nothing that can help us in Stephano's room!"

"And we think we're going to end up alone with Stephano," I said, "and he's really disgusting and scary so I'd rather not have to live with him."

Klaus smiled as an answer and began to read, "'The Mamba du Mal is one of the deadliest snakes in this hemisphere, noted for it's strangulatory grip, used in conjunction, with its deadly venom, giving all its victims a tenebrous hue, which is ghastly to behold.'"

I gasped, knowing what that meant. Violet looked between Klaus and I and asked, "What does 'strangulatory', 'conjunction', 'tenebrous', and 'hue' mean?"

"Well, 'strangulatory' means," Klaus began.

"'having to do with strangling'" I finished.

"And 'conjunction' means 'together'," Klaus said.

"'Tenebrous' means 'dark'" I said.

"And hue means 'color'," Klaus said. "So the Mamba du Mal strangles and bites its victims and leaves dark bruises on the victims body."

"So it couldn't have been the Mamba du Mal because Uncle Monty wasn't covered in bruises when we found him," I cried, triumphantly.

"Exactly," Klaus said, smiling at me.

"Then, how was he poisoned?" Violet asked.

Klaus asked. "I think Stephano took the venom from Uncle Monty's samples and injected him with it."

"Really?" Violet asked, shuddering. "That's awful."

"Okipi!" Sunny shrieked in agreement.

"Gross!" I shuddered.

"Well, when we tell Mr. Poe about this," Klaus said confidently. "Stephano will be arrested and sent to jail. He won't be able to whisk us away to Peru, or, threaten us with his knife, or make us carry around his suitcase, or murder anyone, or anything like that."

"Suitcase!" Violet said, looking at me excitedly. "His suitcase!"

"Of course!" I said, understanding what she meant. Why hadn't I thought of it before?

"What are you talking about?" Klaus asked quizzically. But before Violet or I could explain, there was a knock at the door.

It was Mr. Poe and he confirmed that we would be riding in the jeep with Stephano. Klaus tried to explain what we discovered but Violet warned him not to. Mr. Poe said we would be leaving as soon as all the suitcases were unloaded from the jeep. He left and Violet and I took immediate action.

"Klaus, Jane and I need to go find the evidence," Violet said, quickly, "stay here and…find us time…somehow…maybe a…"

"Distraction," I suggested.

"Yes," Violet agreed, "and we need it fast before we're whisked away to Peru."

"What could we use for a distraction?" Klaus asked, "the only distractions I've read about was the Trojan horse and I don't have time to build something like that."

"You need to think of something," I said, "I'm sure you can come up with something. You're smart. Well, Violet and I have to go now."

Violet and I hurried from the room.

"Where to?" I asked, quietly.

"My room this time," Violet whispered as we climbed the stairs, "There has to be something we can use to break open that lock."

We reached Violet's room as a loud scream echoed through the house. I looked horrified towards Violet. She had a smug smile on her face as she tied her hair back with a ribbon. Then she scanned the room for something useful.

"Relax," she said, when she saw my expression, "it is only Sunny."

I relaxed. "I guess I need to work on that," I muttered, "Is there anything I can do to help you?"

Violet's gaze was fixed on the floor lamp. "No," she said, "I think I found something. Stand back."

I did as I was told and watched curiously as she examined the lamp. She knelt down and unplugged the lamp. I watch in amazed horror as she removed the two prongs. She then took a tack off of the wall that held up one of the white sheets of paper. She skillfully created the invention so that the sharp point of the tack was sticking out through the holes of the two prongs.

"What's that?" I asked.

"A lock pick," Violet answered, "come on."

We hurried back down stairs and walked quietly past the Reptile Room. We hurried down the hall and outside into the driveway. Violet went immediately to the suitcase while I stood guard and watched Klaus, Sunny, Mr. Poe, Stephano, and Dr. Lucafont who were all in the Reptile Room.

Violet cried out in frustration. "It's not working!"

"Maybe it needs something," I suggested, "Something to help it to easily fit."

"Soap!" Violet cried, "stay here, I'll be right back."

I nodded and Violet rushed back inside. I turned my attention back to the scene happening in the Reptile Room. Everyone was staring at Stephano who was saying something. Then Klaus spoke and Mr. Poe seemed to interrupt him. I looked away from the scene, too nervous. What was taking Violet so long? I glanced back towards the Reptile Room and my blood ran cold.

Stephano was staring through the glass at me. He didn't look very happy to see me at all. I glared at him even though I was terrified. At that moment, Violet came back out of the house. She went right for the suitcase. I hadn't looked away from where Stephano was still standing. His gaze shifted to Violet and his face went livid. I realized I was trembling and my heart pounded fast in my chest.

"Violet," I squeaked, "hurry up…Stephano is looking…"

Violet took a sharp intake of breath and tried once more with the lock pick. There was a snap like metal breaking and a thud. I turned around to see that the suitcase was wide open and the contents spilled out on the ground. Violet spread out all the evidence on the ground. Swallowing back my fear, I knelt down and picked up a vial labeled 'Venom du Mal' and a syringe. I shuddered.

"This must be what was used to inject Uncle Monty with the venom," I said, disgusted. Then I picked up a laminated card. I gasped. "This is Uncle Monty's membership to the Herpetological Society! That nasty Count Olaf must have been using it to get on to pose as Uncle Monty."

"Here are the tickets for the Prospero," Violet said, picking up a stack of folded papers.

I examined the last two items: a powder puff and a small hand mirror.

I grinned triumphantly. "And we both know what those items were for," I said, "well let's gather these items and hurry back to the Reptile Room before it's too late."

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BTW i always got really scared whenever i read the part in this book where Stephano sees Violet picking the lock on his suitcase lol! :)


	10. Change of Plans

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's a new chapter and it is the final chapter for the Reptile Room! I'll publish the Wide Window part to this same spot since it's kind of short. But this is good that i'm finished so soon because soon (after the fourth book) will be my own guardian/school that the Baudelaire's and Jane go to! So Enjoy! i might post the first chapter to the Wide Window soon!

Here's a new chapter and it is the final chapter for the Reptile Room! I'll publish the Wide Window part to this same spot since it's kind of short. But this is good that i'm finished so soon because soon (after the fourth book) will be my own guardian/school that the Baudelaire's and Jane go to! So Enjoy! i might post the first chapter to the Wide Window soon!

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We hurried into the Reptile Room and entered the room as Stephano said, "You have no evidence of that." He sounded angry.

"Oh yes we do," Violet cried triumphantly.

"Oh and I'm sorry to rain on your parade again," I added from behind her, "but it looks like you're about to be put into jail, Stephano."

Stephano looked like he wanted to scratch our eyes out. Mr. Poe and Dr. Lucafont both looked surprised. Violet and I glanced at each other and shared a triumphant grin as we walked swiftly to the far end of the Reptile Room to where the books on the Mamba du Mal were on one of the tables. We placed our evidence down on the table and organized them in order of our presentation.

"What is this?" Mr. Poe asked.

"Just some evidence Violet and I found," I explained.

"We found it in Stephano's suitcase," Violet continued.

"My suitcase," Stephano cried angrily, "is private property that should not be touched by children or anyone else. That was very rude of you two. Besides, it was locked. There's no way you could have opened it."

I smirked. "It was an emergency," I said, "we couldn't allow this horrible man to go unnoticed. Violet contracted an invention to open the suitcase. She said it was called a lock pick."

"How did you build a lock pick?" Mr. Poe asked, "I thought you girls were nice. Nice girls shouldn't know how to build lock picks."

"In case you haven't heard," I explained, "Violet is an amazing inventor. Of course she knows how to construct a lock pick. She could probably build a car if she wanted to. And Violet and I are nice girls but we also don't let people like Stephano mess with us." I glared at Stephano. "If there is anyone in this room who isn't nice then it would be Stephano or should I say…Count Olaf?"

"Count Olaf is the one who murdered Uncle Monty," Klaus backed me up, "Jane's right."

Sunny shrieked something unintelligible in agreement.

"We can discuss this matter at another time," Mr. Poe said, "now please continue."

"Seeing Uncle Monty dead made Jane, my siblings, and I suspicious," Violet began.

"That's not true, Violet!" Klaus cried, "We knew it was him! That is not what suspicion means."

"That is utter nonsense," Dr. Lucafont said, "the Mamba du Mal bit him."

"Maybe that's your theory," I said, "but you have no real proof to back it up. Klaus however is my favorite researcher in the world and he can prove anyone wrong about that any day and anytime. In fact, he did some research on the Mamba du Mal." I smiled at Klaus who now picked up the book on the Mamba du Mal and read the section that he had found.

"Therefore," Klaus concluded, "the Mamba du Mal couldn't have killed Uncle Monty because he wasn't covered with bruises. He was as white as a sheet."

"That doesn't mean that Stephano murdered him," Dr. Lucafont said, "maybe the snake didn't feel like bruising Uncle Monty this time."

I laughed. "Honestly, that's the stupidest theory I've ever heard," I said, "I'm starting to not trust that you're actually a doctor. Did you ever go to medical school?"

"Of course, I did," Dr. Lucafont cried.

"Well, it is more likely that he was murdered by a man," I said, "as you can see from the evidence," I picked up the vial. "This vial is the Mamba du Mal venom from Uncle Monty's collection of venom samples. There is a syringe here so it's obvious that Stephano or Count Olaf injected the venom into Uncle Monty and then poked an extra hole to make it seem like a snake bit him."

"Why would I murder Uncle Monty?" Stephano cried, "I loved Uncle Monty. I had no reason to kill him."

"Except for the fact that you're scheme was to get the Baudelaire and Rumary fortunes," Klaus said. "Peru would make getting the fortunes a lot easier when no one were watching."

"Stephano said it himself on the stairs the other day," I said, "You said Peru was a place where crimes are difficult to trace. Especially theft and murder."

"These tickets are for the Prospero," Violet continued, holding up the folded papers, "Uncle Monty had been suspicious of Stephano so he tore up his ticket. The tickets were for 5 o'clock at Hazy Harbor. That's where we were going when we ran into you, Mr. Poe."

"Uncle Monty tore my ticket up, though," Stephano said, "I wouldn't have been allowed on board without a ticket."

"When Stephano killed Uncle Monty, he took the tickets and," I said and picked up the laminated card. "Uncle Monty's Herpetological Society membership card. He was going to use this card to pose as Uncle Monty. That's why he got Uncle Monty out of the way so that he could whisk us away to Peru."

"I don't understand how Stephano knew about your fortunes," Mr. Poe said.

"That's because he's really Count Olaf," I explained.

"That's not true!" Stephano cried, "I had no idea you children had fortunes. Even if I did, I would never try to steal it. I was just thought we could try to still go on the expedition and do it in dear Uncle Monty's memory. I have no clue who this Count Olaf is either."

"This will clear it up for you," I said. I dug into my pocket and pulled out the telegram. "This telegram I found has the name Count Olaf as the reciever. It also appears that you might be responsible for more than one crime. This woman, Violet told me was the mother of the Murray family."

Stephano was livid. "That woman was a dear friend of mine. I didn't do any harm to her. I was keeping the telegram as a memory of the Murray family. I don't know Count Olaf, though. I only know of him because of the telegram."

"Well, I think this matter will be settled once and for all when we see your tattoo," Violet said. She gestured to the last two pieces of evidence: the powder puff and small hand mirror. "The powder puff and mirror were used to conceal Count Olaf's tattoo. If we were to rub his ankle with a cloth then we would see his tattoo."

"Does anyone have a cloth?" Mr. Poe asked.

I checked my pockets. "Nope," I said.

The Baudelaire's shook their heads.

"I'll use my handkerchief then." Mr. Poe said, "Give me your left ankle please."

"But that handkerchief is covered in germs," Stephano complained.

"If you are really Count Olaf," I said, "then I don't germs are that big of a deal since you live in filth."

Mr. Poe looked at Count Olaf sternly. Count Olaf gave Mr. Poe his ankle and the handkerchief revealed what we expected. A tattoo of an eye.

"This is most certainly the eye," Mr. Poe said, "and in that case, you are Count Olaf. You are under arrest."

"I am shocked!" Dr. Lucafont cried.

"As am I," Mr. Poe said. He grabbed Count Olaf's arm to keep him from getting away. "I'm sorry for not believing you children earlier. You're accusation just seemed unrealistic."

"I wonder what happened to Gustav then," Klaus said.

"Don't think I'm through with you orphans just yet," Count Olaf said, his eyes shone brighter than ever, "I won't be through until you're blood pools on the floor. Just wait. And you wonder what happened to Gustav? He didn't quit! He's dead. One day when Gustav went to pick wild flowers near a swamp he happened to fall in and drown. I forged a letter saying that he quit." Count Olaf laughed cruelly. "But that's nothing compared to what I'll do to you, orphans. And you, Jane, you'd better watch yourself. Nothing good can come out of looking through other people's belongings. I know you're the same filthy liar that your mother was. You may have weaseled your way out of my clutches this time. But it was out of pure luck and next time I'll get your fortunes. This game isn't over yet."

"This is not a game, you awful man," Mr. Poe said, "Murder is a crime and you will go to jail. I'll take you to the police right now in Dr. Montgomery's jeep. The children can ride with Dr. Lucafont."

"Actually, I should take Count Olaf in my car," Dr. Lucafont said, "There isn't enough room in my car anyways."

"Very well then," Mr. Poe said.

Mr. Poe brought Count Olaf to the front door and the Baudelaire's and I followed.

"You take him, Dr. Lucafont," Mr. Poe said, handing Count Olaf off to Dr. Lucafont.

Dr. Lucafont gave us a thin smile. "Say goodbye to the orphans Count Olaf?"

"Good bye," Count Olaf said, his eyes shining brightly, "for now."

"Have fun in prison," I said, scathingly, "I heard the food is great there and the cells are filthy. So it's perfect for you."

"Goodbye," Klaus said.

"Goodbye," Violet said.

All at once Sunny leapt up and bit Dr. Lucafont's hand.

"Sunny!" Violet cried. We all gasped when Dr. Lucafont's hand fell off. Sunny bit hard on it and it cracked like wood. Where the fake hand had been was a long sharp hook. Dr. Lucafont looked at his hand and grinned at us. Count Olaf grinned two and in a flash, they were sprinting out the door.

"That's not a doctor!" Violet cried, "That's the hook-handed man! One of Count Olaf's henchmen."

Violet flung open the front door in time to see the two villains running through the snake-shaped hedges.

"After them!" Klaus shouted. We started to sprint forward when Mr. Poe blocked our path.

"No!" Mr. Poe cried, "I can't let you run after dangerous criminals. I will not have any harm come to you."

"Then you go after them! Hurry!" I cried.

Mr. Poe made a move to go after them but the two had already reached Dr. Lucafont's car and were about to drive away.

"Get in the Jeep!" Violet cried, "Follow them!"

"No way," Mr. Poe said, "That is a job for the police. I'll call them right now. Don't worry I'm sure they'll catch them."

Mr. Poe ran to get the telephone. The Baudelaire's and I sighed, filled with new dread. I stifled a groan.

The Baudelaire's walked over to the enormous staircase and sat down. I followed them and sat down on a stair below them.

"Cause the police stopped him before," I muttered and leaned my head against the railing. At some point we fell asleep there. I didn't think I would be sleeping much for a while. I just hoped that maybe the Baudelaire's and I could find some sort of peace before Count Olaf came again.

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THE END FOR NOW! Review PLEASE!


	11. The Wide Window:Chapter1:Lake Larchymose

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's the Wide Window! This one will be particularly short only really about 3-5 Chapters...

Here's the Wide Window! This one will be particularly short only really about 3-5 Chapters...

Enjoy! Review/Rate Please!

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Chapter 1: Lake Lachrymose

It was a dark and dreary day and the Baudelaire's and I were sitting on Damocles' Dock. We had just come off of the Fickle Ferry that took us across Lake Lachrymose. We were going to live with our new guardian, Aunt Josephine. She was the Baudelaire's relative, not mine, however, Aunt Josephine didn't mind if I was placed in her care too since I was a friend of the Baudelaire's.

"I have something that might cheer you up," Mr. Poe said, "Peppermints!"

"Thank you," I replied as I took one of the bags and popped one in my mouth.

"Thank you," Violet said, taking a bag of peppermints and putting it in her pocket.

"That's very thoughtful," Klaus said.

"Toi!" Sunny shrieked.

"You can eat them on your car ride to Mrs. Anwhistle's house," Mr. Poe paused to cough into his handkerchief. "She was sorry she couldn't meet you here but the dock scares her."

"Why would she be afraid of a dock?" Klaus asked.

"She's afraid of anything to do with Lake Lachrymose," Mr. Poe said, "but she wouldn't tell me why. Maybe it's because of her husband's death. Your Aunt Josephine isn't really your aunt. You're related to her because she is your second cousin's sister-in-law, but requested that you call her Aunt Josephine- Anyways, her husband passed away recently, and it may be possible that he drowned or died in a boating accident. It didn't seem polite to ask her how she became a dowager."

"That's horrible," I said, thinking of how alone she must feel. "She must be so lonely by herself. It's a good thing she'll have us to get her to live again."

"Yes, she sounded very upset about it," Mr. Poe said, "She's very happy that you're coming too. Now, let's get you all a taxi."

"What does that mean?" Violet asked.

Mr. Poe stared at Violet and raised his eyebrows. "I'm surprised at you, Violet, a girl your age should know that a taxi is a car that will drive you someplace for a fee. Now, let's gather your luggage and walk to the curb."

Klaus whispered something to Violet that I couldn't hear, as we walked to the curb with our luggage.

Mr. Poe signaled for a cab and our luggage was piled quickly into the trunk and we slid into the back seat.

"I will say good-bye to you here," Mr. Poe said, "I told Mrs. Anwhistle that you'll be on your best behavior. I don't imagine anything will go wrong this time."

Mr. Poe looked at us as if we had been responsible for Uncle Monty's tragic murder. I sighed.

"Bye," I said.

"Good-bye," Klaus said.

"Good-bye," Violet said.

"Frul!" Sunny shrieked.

"Farewell," Mr. Poe said. "And good luck to you. I will think of you as often as I can."

Mr. Poe gave the driver a twenty and waved goodbye as we pulled away. We all waved back, as the cab pulled away and onto a gray cobblestoned street. There was a small grocery store with barrels of limes and various other fruits and vegetables. There was a terrible looking restaurant called the Anxious Clown that was decorated with so many neon lights and balloons in the window that it made me look away from it all. Not that I have anything against neon colors because they are some of my favorite colors but that was just too much neon. Other stores were closed.

"The town isn't as crowded as I expected it to be," Klaus remarked, "I was hoping to make some new friends here."

"It's the off-season," said the cabdriver. He was a skinny man who was smoking a cigarette. I wrinkled my nose. I didn't like it when people smoked in closed spaces without even a thought about how it could affect someone else's health. He was looking at us through the rear view mirror. Something about how he held himself seemed vaguely familiar but I couldn't remember. "The town of Lake Lachrymose is a resort, and when the nice weather comes it is very crowded. But, now things are as dead as the cat I ran over this morning. Hurricane Herman is approaching in town in about a week or so. You better make sure you have enough food up there in the house."

"A hurricane on the lake?" Klaus asked. "I thought hurricanes only occurred near oceans."

"Yeah, well, Lake Lachrymose is large enough that anything can occur on it," the cabdriver said. "I'll admit I'd be a bit nervous living on the top of this hill. Once the storm hits it'll be difficult to drive down into town."

We looked out the windows to see that we were, of course, on top of a very tall hill. The town looked like insects from way up here, as well as the dark icy depths of Lake Lachrymose that stretched out as far as I could see.

"The lake is enormous," I said, "and it looks very deep."

"Yes, I can almost understand why Aunt Josephine is so afraid of it," Klaus said.

"It's only scary from way up here," I said, "I actually think it's kind of majestic looking, in a way."

"You're probably right," Klaus said, smiling and adjusting his glasses.

"Hold on," the cab driver said, "The lady who lives up here is afraid of the lake?"

"That's what we've been told," Violet said.

The cabdriver shook his head and brought the cab to a stop. "I don't know how she could stand it, then."

"What do you mean?" I asked.

"You're saying you've never been to this house?" he asked.

"Never," Klaus said, "We've never even met our Aunt Josephine before."

"Well, if you're Aunt Josephine is so afraid of the water," he said, "I can't imagine why she'd want to live here."

"What are you talking about?" Violet asked.

"Well, take a look," the driver answered.

We looked out the window to see a small boxy square of the house with a peeling front door. It was almost smaller than the cab but, as we looked closely we could see that most of the house was dangling off the cliff. The only thing holding it up was a bunch of metal stilts. The house looked as if it would fall at any moment, into the icy black depths of Lake Lachrymose. I gulped. I was sort of scared now.

"No wonder she's afraid of the lake," I muttered, "she's afraid she'll fall in."

The driver unloaded our suitcases from the trunk and placed them on the doorstep before driving away, honking his horn as he left. The front door opened and from behind it stood a pale woman with her hair piled into a bun on the top of her head.

"Hello," she said, smiling a little. "I'm your Aunt Josephine."

"Hello," Violet said, and we cautiously stepped forward.


	12. TWW:Chapter2:Aunt Josephine

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A new chapter! It's kind of slow i'll admit but Captain Sham will be in the next chapter so things will get more interesting :)

A new chapter! It's kind of slow i'll admit but Captain Sham will be in the next chapter so things will get more interesting :)

* * *

Chapter 2: Aunt Josephine

"This is the couch," Aunt Josephine said, pointing to a couch. "Please, do not go anywhere near it. If it falls, it'll crush you flat."

"I'm sure the sofa is safe," I said, "It can't just fall at any random moment, there has to be some sort of force to push it."

"You'll never know if something does push it over," Aunt Josephine said.

The Baudelaire's and I exchanged glances briefly. Aunt Josephine was giving us a tour of her home and she seemed to be not only afraid of the lake but of everything else, like the welcome matt, which she explained could cause someone to trip. And the sofa, which could fall over at any moment and crush us flat.

"This is the telephone," Aunt Josephine said, gesturing to the phone. "It should only be used in emergencies because it could electrocute someone."

"Actually," Klaus said, "I've read quite a bit about electricity. The telephone should be perfectly safe."

"You can't believe everything you read," she pointed out. Which was very true, but not at the moment.

"Not every author takes the time to write a book about telephones if he was just trying to get some one killed." I said, "People have been using phones since the early nineteen hundreds. They've been around long enough to know they are perfectly safe. The only part to be worried about is tripping over the cord."

"And I've built a telephone," Violet said. "If you'd like, I could take the telephone apart and show you how it works. Maybe that would make you feel better."

"I don't think so," Aunt Josephine frowned.

"Delmo!" Sunny offered.

"Delmo?" Aunt Josephine asked. "What do you mean by 'delmo'? I find myself quite the expert on the English language and I have never heard of 'delmo' before."

"I'm afraid Sunny doesn't speak fluently, yet," Klaus said. "Mostly baby talk."

"Grun!" Sunny objected.

"Well, I will have to teach her proper English," Aunt Josephine said. "I'm sure you all need some proper grammar instruction. Grammar is the greatest joy in life, don't you find?"

The Baudelaire's and I exchanged glances. I respected Aunt Josephine's opinion on the greatest joy of life but I knew that the greatest joy in life for me was reading, and all the elements of performing arts. I knew that Violet, Klaus and Sunny would have different opinions on the greatest joy in life too. But, it was rude to contradict her.

"Yes," I said. "I've always loved grammar and I'm sure the Baudelaire's do too. English has always been a favorite subject of mine."

Aunt Josephine nodded and gave us a small smile. "Well, I'll show you to your room and the rest of the house after dinner. When you open this door, just push the wood here. Never use the doorknob. I'm afraid that it might shatter into a million pieces, and that one of them will hit my eye."

We smiled at Aunt Josephine, pushed on the wood, opening the door into a large room, with blank white walls and blue carpet. Inside, were three good-sized beds and one good-sized crib, clearly, for Sunny. They all had plain blue bedspreads and wooden trunks at the end of each bed.

At the other end of the room was a large closet for everyone's clothes, a small window and a medium-sized pile of tin cans. ' _Why were they here?_ ' I wondered.

"I'm sorry that all four of you must stay in the same room," Aunt Josephine said. "But this house isn't very big. I tried to provide you with everything you need. I do hope you will be comfortable."

"I'm sure we will," Violet said.

"Thank you, Aunt Josephine," I said.

"In each of your trunks, there is a present," Aunt Josephine said.

Presents? In all my life I've never received any kind of present before let alone a celebrated birthday, or Christmas. The only gifts I've ever gotten were the bracelet from Klaus that I still have and the iPod and music from Uncle Monty. Of course, all of those books and Playbill posters were gifts too. I was grateful for those gifts. I would be grateful for any gift.

"For Violet," Aunt Josephine said, opening the first trunk. "There is a lovely new doll with plenty of outfits for it to wear." She reached inside and pulled out a plastic doll with a tiny mouth and wide, staring eyes. It scared me because when I was younger Carmelita Spats had been nice to me so she could tell me the story of Chucky and I was terrified. She had gotten dolls from all her friends and placed them all over the room as she told it. After the story was over I had run from the room in fear that one of those scary dolls would come and get me. I had nightmares about it every night since. I wasn't as scared anymore, but the doll's staring eyes made me take a step back. "Isn't she adorable? Her name is Pretty Penny."

"Oh, thank you," said Violet, smiling.

"And for Klaus," she said, pulling out a tiny train car. "There is a modeled train set. You can set up the tracks in that empty corner of the room."

"What fun," said Klaus in fake excitement. I didn't see anything wrong with train tracks. I'd always wanted one of those Thomas the Train Engine train sets. I loved to build things. Not exactly like Violet does but I just always loved puzzles and legos.

"And for Jane," she said, opening the next trunk, "this lovely music box." I took the box from Aunt Josephine. The box was elegantly decorated with little hearts, butterflies, flowers, and other pretty things, "Why don't you open it?"

I opened the box slowly and as soon as I did I saw a beautiful little ballerina spinning slowly as the soft music played. Beside the platform the ballerina was on were slots to hold all sorts of jewelry.

I was suddenly reminded of when I used to sneak off my boarding school's campus to stare for hours at all the toy stores with all kinds of things including music boxes. At this moment I was that little girl again. I didn't know what to say. I loved it. It was the most beautiful gift I've ever gotten. I blinked back my sudden tears of joy as I said, "Oh, Aunt Josephine, it's so beautiful. I-I'm speechless. Thank you very much, this means so much to me."

"Well, you're very welcome. I'm glad you like it," Aunt Josephine said, smiling sweetly. "And for little Sunny," she continued, reaching into the last trunk. "here is a rattle. See, Sunny, it makes a little noise."

Sunny smiled at Aunt Josephine showing her all of her four sharp teeth.

"It is so generous of you to give us all these things," Violet said politely. I nodded in agreement.

"Well, I'm very glad to have you here," Aunt Josephine said. "I love grammar so much. I'm excited to be able to share my love of grammar with four nice children, like you. Well, I'll give you a few minutes to settle in and then we'll have dinner. See you soon."

"Aunt Josephine," Klaus asked, "what are these cans for?"

"They're for burglars," Aunt Josephine said, patting her bun. "You must be as frightened of burglars as I am. So every night, place these cans by the door so that when burglars come in, they'll trip over the cans and wake you up."

"But what will we do then?" Violet asked, "when we're awake in a room with an angry burglar?"

"Angry burglars? Why are you talking about angry burglars? Are you trying to make us even more afraid?"

"Of course not," Violet said. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to frighten you."

"Well, we'll say no more about it." Aunt Josephine said, looking nervously at the tin cans. "I'll see you at the dinner table in a few minutes."

She left, shutting the door behind her.

"Sunny can have Pretty Penny," Violet said, handing the doll to Sunny. "The plastic is hard enough for chewing, I think."

"And you can have the model trains, Violet," Klaus said. "Maybe you could invent something with it."

"But that leaves you with a rattle," Violet said. "That doesn't seem fair."

"Schu!" Sunny shrieked and I knew what that meant. I was shocked at how ungrateful the Baudelaire's were.

"Hey," I said. "You shouldn't complain. Aunt Josephine was kind enough to buy these lovely gifts for us. You should be grateful. You know I've never been given presents before in my entire life? I used to sit and watch all the other children get all kinds of things that I could only dream of having. The only gift I ever got was a candy cane and a piece of clothing from Good Will every year. Do you think that seemed fair? I wasn't joking when I said that this means a lot to me. You shouldn't take things like this for granted."

The Baudelaire's exchanged glances, guiltily.

"That's terrible," Klaus said. "And you're right. We're sorry. We shouldn't have acted that way."

"Yes," Violet said. "I'm sorry too. Aunt Josephine obviously worked very hard to prepare us this room. She's a good-hearted person. You're right, we shouldn't complain, even to ourselves."

"Shen," Sunny said, nodding in agreement.

"Don't be sorry," I said, "just know that with our luck, this is the best we're going to get." I smiled and they smiled back.

"Dinner's ready!" Aunt Josephine called from the kitchen. We headed back out into the dinning room.

"Oh good," Violet said. "Nothing like a hot bowl of soup on a chilly evening."

"Agreed," I said.

"Actually, it's not hot soup. I never cook anything hot because I'm afraid of turning the stove on. It might burst into flames. I've made chilled cucumber soup for dinner."

 _Yum!_ I sighed as we helped Aunt Josephine set the table. Klaus had been looking for napkins in the kitchen. He was standing near the fridge when Aunt Josephine cried, "Klaus, what are you doing?"

"Napkins," Klaus said.

"By the sink," Aunt Josephine said, "Now, come away from the fridge. If it falls, it could crush you flat."

Klaus got the napkins and set the table with them while Violet, Sunny, and I exchanged glances. When the table was finished being set Aunt Josephine poured each of us a bowl of soup. Our teeth chattered as we ate in silence.

Aunt Josephine broke the silence by telling us about her husband Ike and the Wide Window, which was in her library.

"Library?" Klaus asked, brightening. "You have a library?"

"Of course," Aunt Josephine said, "I'll show you."

We followed Aunt Josephine down the hallway until we reached a door at the end of the hall. Aunt Josephine gently pushed the door open revealing an enormous room filled with books stored on bookshelves. There were comfortable looking reading chairs and tables for notes. Best of all, there was an enormous window to the left. It was definitely called the Wide Window for a reason.

Aunt Josephine began to talk about Ike's death, saying that he was eaten by leaches. I shuddered. Then, even more shocking, Aunt Josephine was terrified of Realtors!


	13. Never Say Never TWWChapter 3: Captain Sham

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's a new chapter! A little bit of humor!:)

Here's a new chapter! A little bit of humor!:)

* * *

 **Chapter 3: Captain Sham**

It was a few days before Hurricane Herman would arrive so Aunt Josephine took us to the grocery store to buy food. Well, more soup… This time she wanted to try making cold lime stew. Ew.

We were shopping in the town's grocery store, looking for ingredients in the many barrels and shelves that displayed mostly fruits and vegetables. Since Aunt Josephine refused to cook anything on a stove or in an oven we were told to stay away from the meat and fish. Aunt Josephine asked Violet and I to find some limes for her new stew. We set off through the throng of people who were stocking up on food before Hurricane Herman made leaving shelter nearly impossible.

As we walked passed each aisle we peered down it as we walked to see if there were any limes. That was when Violet ran into something, making me run into her.

I stumbled back gawking at what had gotten in our way. Violet cried out and stepped back staring at the man.

"Oh, I'm s-" Violet stopped mid-sentence as her expression changed from apologetic to angry and frightened.

"Oh, no, I'm sorry, ma'am," the man replied in a gravelly voice that made chills run up and down my spine. "I guess I need to be more careful."

I knew immediately who he was. He wore a sailor suit and he had shaved his hair so that he was now bald. His face was obscured by his a messy grey mustache and beard. He had two bushy eyebrows and his piercing light blue eyes shined brightly as if someone had just told a joke. He might be wearing some silly sailor costume and changed his hair but it wasn't enough to hide who he really was. Count Olaf. I suddenly felt sick.

"Violet and Jane," Aunt Josephine called coming up from behind us, "what is taking you two so long?"

Klaus and Sunny followed behind Aunt Josephine. They immediately recognized Count Olaf and their eyes were like saucers.

"I'm sorry, miss," Olaf said, "it is my fault. I ran into your two sisters."

Aunt Josephine giggled. "Oh no, they aren't my sisters," Aunt Josephine corrected, "I'm much too old."

"Well allow me to introduce meself," Count Olaf said, in his sailor accent.

"We know who you are," I said, "You're Count Olaf so you can change out of that ridiculous costume."

"Jane!" Aunt Josephine cried, "How dare you speak to that man that way? He looks nothing like that horrible Count Olaf."

"Oh, nothing to worry miss," Count Olaf said, staring at me with shiny eyes, "She must have mistaken me for someone else. But I am not that Count Omar that you speak of. I am Captain Sham and it's a pleasure to have met you."

"I am Josephine Anwhistle," she said, "it's a pleasure to meet you too."

"What a beautiful name!" Captain Sham cried, "I should have known that a beautiful woman like yerself would have such a name."

Aunt Josephine giggled like a teenage girl.

"Aunt Josephine," Klaus said, "Jane's right this is Count Olaf. Not some captain."

"Nonsense, Klaus," Aunt Josephine said.

"Then let's see if he has the tattoo on his ankle," Violet said.

Aunt Josephine sighed.

"Which leg?" Captain Sham asked.

"Right," Violet said.

"Well, I'm afraid I don't have a right leg," Captain Sham said.

"Oh, you poor man," Aunt Josephine cried.

"It happened a while ago," Captain Sham explained, "See I was out sailing on Lake Larchymose eating some puttanesca. When my boat was attacked by leeches."

"No!" Aunt Josephine cried horrified.

"Those leeches nearly got me but I showed them a thing or two," Captain Sham said, "unfortunately, they ate my leg."

I snorted. "A likely story. Well if you live here wouldn't you have been smart enough to not eat while sitting in the middle of a lake filled with man-eating leeches? That's practically suicidal."

"Jane, don't be so rude!" Aunt Josephine cried.

"Actually," Captain Sham said, "I moved here only a few months ago. My boating business keeps me traveling a lot. I'll be here permanently, though."

"My husband Ike was eaten by leeches just recently," Aunt Josephine said.

"Oh, no!" Captain Sham cried in mock horror, "I can't imagine that a woman like yourself could be a widow."

Aunt Josephine and Captain Sham carried out their conversation. I tuned it out, not wanting to hear the details of Captain Sham's boating business.

* * *

We ate dinner that night in silence. Each of us stared blankly into our bowls of soup while Aunt Josephine talked about Captain Sham. He had given her his card and she was just thrilled about it. Aunt Josephine stopped when there was a loud ringing coming from the telephone.

I sighed. "It's okay Aunt Josephine," I said, kindly, "It's not going to hurt you. Watch, I'll answer it."

I strode up to the wall where the phone hang and took it off of the receiver, ignoring Aunt Josephine's scowl. She waited apprehensively as I put the phone to my ear.

"Hello," I said, speaking into the receiver.

"Hello," replied a raspy voice I knew all too, "Is Miss Anwhistle home?"

I turned away so Aunt Josephine wouldn't see my reaction. I smirked and knew just what I would do.

"Who is this?" I asked.

"Don't play dumb with me you little brat," Olaf snarled, "It's Captain Sham, of course. Now, Jane, why don't you be a good little girlie and put your guardian on the phone."

I lowered my voice as I answered, as dramatically as I could, "Oh, I'm terribly sorry, Captain. But the person you want to speak with is not available at the moment. Maybe you could try again…um…never. And girlie? Ugh!"

"Put your Aunt Josephine on the phone or I'll-"

"Ooo," I blew out air. I sneered, "Do you really think Aunt Josephine would like it if she heard you talking smack to me like that?"

I could hear the scowl in his voice. "Stop playing these silly games, orphan and put your guardian on the phone."

"Do you honestly think I'm that stupid?" I asked. Then I raised my voice, "I'm sorry, sir, but I believe you must have the wrong number." I lowered my voice again, "of all people in the world, you are the last person Aunt Josephine would ever want to talk to."

Olaf snarled, "You brat! I'll slit your throat-"

"What's a pirates favorite letter?" I asked.

"What?" Olaf cried, "Why are you asking me that?"

"Well, you're a sailor, right?" I said, "So you must watch the Pirates of the Caribbean like all the time. Should I call you Captain Jack Sparrow now?"

"I hate those movies."

"Not a true sailor then, well then still answer my question and I'll put Aunt Josephine on the phone if you answer it correctly."

Count Olaf sighed. "A pirates favorite letter is 'r', everyone knows that."

I made a noise like they do on game shows when the answer is wrong. "Sorry but a pirates favorite letter is 'c'. You've lost now go jump in the lake or something."

"I answered your question, orphan, now put her on the phone!'

"Yes but you answered it incorrectly," I said, "maybe you should read more."

"WHY YOU LITTLE-"

"Look," I interrupted, "just remember, no one messes with me or my family or my friends. I may be a child but I'm not an idiot and I know how to get my revenge. Oh and you're probably using one of those pay phones right? Well I'm sorry I wasted your time and money. It's too bad you'll never get a penny of my fortune or the Baudelaire's. You don't even know anything about pirates! Humph! Have fun with you're boating business. If only you actually had a job." I raised my voice. "Bye!"

Then, I hung up. Well, my job was done. I turned back to face Aunt Josephine, hiding the smug look on my face from her.

"Who was that?" Aunt Josephine asked.

I casually walked back to the table and sat down. "Oh, just a bunch of realtors. But it's all good Aunt Josephine. I handled it and made sure that they won't bother you anymore."

Aunt Josephine looked startled but relieved. "Well, that's good. Maybe you're right. The telephone isn't too bad. I'll answer it next time, well, unless it's those realtors." She shuddered.

I smiled. "Great!" I said.

A few seconds passed and the phone rang again.

I sighed. "Ugh! Maybe I didn't get rid of those realtors."

I picked it up again.

"Is this Miss Anwhistle?" the same fake sailor asked.

"I'm sorry but the number you have dialed is no longer in service," I said, in my best imitation of those operator voices, "please hang up and try again."

I swear I heard him shriek in frustration.

"Honestly, did you actually think Aunt Josephine would answer the phone? She's scared to death of anything. Especially phones. Some boyfriend, you are. You don't even know a thing about her." I hung up.

"More realtors?" Aunt Josephine asked.

I nodded. "They really want you to move. It's a bit annoying, actually."


	14. Never Say Never TWW:Chapter 4: Drops of Jupiter

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's a new chapter! It's a short scene between Jane and Klaus. This is where mine and Jane's love for music kind of comes in a bit more...

Here's a new chapter! It's a short scene between Jane and Klaus. This is where mine and Jane's love for music kind of comes in a bit more...

* * *

Chapter Four: Drops of Jupiter

The following day was normal…for Aunt Josephine anyways. After Aunt Josephine's grammar lesson of the day, Klaus and I held back in the library. Aunt Josephine had a grand piano but she warned us it was dangerous. I really wanted to play though, since I hadn't in such a long time.

I sat down at the piano and ran my hands along the ivory keys. I felt more like I was home when I played the piano.

"Do you know how to play?" Klaus asked, coming over to the piano.

"Yes," I said, "I used to play all the time at school. I taught myself how to play. I had so much time to do so…since I never went anywhere else really. Music is just so beautiful."

"Another Mozart," Klaus said, making me chuckle, "Do know classical music?"

"A little bit," I admitted, "mostly contemporary music though. Do you know the song Drops of Jupiter by Train?"

"No," Klaus replied. "Can you play it for me?"

"Um…I don't know," I said, shyly, "that would require me to sing and…uh…"

"Please, play it or something," Klaus insisted.

I sighed. "Alright." I had memorized the notes to the song since it was one of my favorites. I found the first chord and began to chime away.

"Now that she's back in the atmosphere

With drops of Jupiter in her hair, hey," I smiled sheepishly at Klaus who smiled encouragingly.

"She acts like summer and walks like rain

Reminds me that there's a time to change, hey

Since the return from her stay on the moon

She listens like spring and she talks like June, hey, hey

But tell me, did you sail across the sun?

Did you make it to the Milky Way

To see the lights all faded

And that heaven is overrated?

Tell me, did you fall for a shooting star?

One without a permanent scar

And then you missed me

While you were looking for yourself out there?" I began to get more comfortable and found I was having more fun.

"Now that she's back from that soul vacation

Tracing her way through the constellation, hey

She checks out Mozart while she does Tae-Bo

Reminds me that there's room to grow, hey

Now that she's back in the atmosphere

I'm afraid that she might think of me as

Plain ol' Jane told a story about a man

Who was too afraid to fly so he never did land

But tell me, did the wind sweep you off your feet?

Did you finally get the chance

To dance along the light of day

And head back to the Milky Way?

And tell me, did Venus blow your mind?

Was it everything you wanted to find?

And then you missed me

While you were looking for yourself out there

Can you imagine no love, pride, deep-fried chicken

Your best friend always sticking up for you

Even when I know you're wrong?

Can you imagine no first dance, freeze-dried romance

Five-hour phone conversation

The best soy latte that you ever had, and me?

But tell me, did the wind sweep you off your feet?

Did you finally get the chance

To dance along the light of day

And head back toward the Milky Way?

But tell me, did you sail across the sun?

Did you make it to the Milky Way

To see the lights all faded

And that heaven is overrated?

And tell me, did you fall for a shooting star?

One without a permanent scar

And then you missed me

While you were looking for yourself?

Na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na , na, na, na

And did you finally get the chance

To dance along the light of day?

And did you fall for a shooting star?

Fall for a shooting star?

And now you're lonely looking for yourself out there."

I finished the last notes and looked up at Klaus, shyly. I've never sung or played for anyone before.

"How was that?" I asked.

Klaus smiled, brightly. "That was amazing," he said.

I blushed and looked down. "Really?"

"I'm serious, Jane," he said, "You're really good."

I shrugged. "You only heard one song." I got up from the piano and started to head from the library. Klaus followed me.

"I'm being honest," Klaus said, "I wouldn't lie."

I shook my head slightly but said nothing.

* * *

This music element of Jane's likes won't have them breaking into dance numbers or anything! It's not Glee or highschool musical lol! I love Glee though! I'm a Darren Criss fan! AVPM! 


	15. Never Say Never TWW:Chapter 5: Hurricane Herman

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's the next chapter! I skipped again! I skipped to the part where the Baudelaire's and Jane get out of dinner at the Anxious Clown and gain more time to decipher Aunt Josephine's letter. Before that basically what happened (incase you don't remember) Count Olaf called again and this time Aunt Josephine picked it up and then the Baudelaire's and Jane found a suicide note from Aunt Josephine. They call Mr. Poe who comes and reads the note. Aunt Josephine said in her note that they were being placed in the care of Captain Sham. They went to the Anxious Clown for lunch with Captain Sham so he could sign the custody papers. Violet gave Klaus and Sunny peppermints. They ate them and all had allergic reactions. Mr. Poe allowed them to go wait at Aunt Josephine's house and 'lie down' until they came for them. Jane went with them and that's all i skipped.

Here's the next chapter! I skipped again! I skipped to the part where the Baudelaire's and Jane get out of dinner at the Anxious Clown and gain more time to decipher Aunt Josephine's letter. Before that basically what happened (incase you don't remember) Count Olaf called again and this time Aunt Josephine picked it up and then the Baudelaire's and Jane found a suicide note from Aunt Josephine. They call Mr. Poe who comes and reads the note. Aunt Josephine said in her note that they were being placed in the care of Captain Sham. They went to the Anxious Clown for lunch with Captain Sham so he could sign the custody papers. Violet gave Klaus and Sunny peppermints. They ate them and all had allergic reactions. Mr. Poe allowed them to go wait at Aunt Josephine's house and 'lie down' until they came for them. Jane went with them and that's all i skipped.

* * *

Chapter Five: Hurricane Herman

"Come on," I urged, taking his wrist and pulling Klaus along. "There has to be something in this library that will tell us what all the incorrect grammar means."

We reached the library. It was in terrible condition. The entire window was gone and the chairs in the library were drenched from the rain. Dark clouds loomed overhead and it wouldn't be too long before the hurricane began. Books had fallen from the shelves and were ruined from the rain. We took no time to really be upset by the ruined books, as Captain Sham would surely be here soon

I pulled Klaus to a table and immediately went to the bookshelf. I handed him a book. He opened his mouth to speak.

"I'll hand you books," I said, as I handed him another book, "you'll read and I'll read as soon as I find enough resources. I probably couldn't understand you anyways if you spoke so just nod or something. Try not to speak so much."

I found a stack of three books on grammar and spelling.

"Bluh bluh bluh?" Klaus asked.

"I don't know what you said but if you need help," I said, "well then circle all of the errors. Maybe it was more than just a suicide note. Maybe the errors are some kind of message."

Klaus nodded, probably in agreement. He continued reading and taking notes on the letter. I joined in and together we worked as lightning and thunder sounded overhead.

Klaus was already reading one and making notes. I did the same as soon as I was done gathering books. We circled all of the errors we could find and wrote the correct grammar or spelling next to it. we circled the correct letters and as we did it started to all make more sense.

"Do you think these letters that we circled mean something?" I asked.

Klaus held up his hand and scribbled something on the letter. He studied what he wrote very carefully. His eyes brightened with that light when he pieced something together like a puzzle. He showed me the note and pointed to two words he wrote at the bottom of the letter:

 _Curdled Cave_

I gasped. "Oh my god," I cried, "so she's not…dead?"

Klaus shook his head. "Bluh bluh she's hiding bluh Curdled Cave."

"So I guess we're going to have to go find her," I said.

Klaus nodded. "Bluh bluh need bluh atlas."

"Where can we find an atlas?" I asked.

"Bluh, Aunt Josephine bluh to bluh Lake Larchymose she bluh have bluh kind of atlas bluh Lake Larchymose bluh its caves."

"Maybe in her room?" I suggested, "Usually our past enjoyments aren't really things that people like to share with just anyone. Her love for Lake Larchymose is probably more personal to her now. Something she wants to hide from."

"Bluh makes sense," Klaus said.

"Klaus, Jane," Violet called out from the doorway.

We jumped.

"Bluh you scared us!" Klaus cried.

"Sorry," she said.

"Did you take a baking soda bath?" I asked.

"No," Violet said, "Aunt Josephine doesn't have any baking soda so we took a regular bath. But what matters is what you two have been doing in this room."

"Bluhdying grammar," Klaus said.

"Bluh?" Sunny shrieked. Violet translated.

"We think Aunt Josephine left a hidden message in her note. We circled all the errors and wrote down the correct grammar. Then we used the missing letters to find the secret message. Klaus did that part. He found they give us two words. I gave Violet the letter and pointed to the two words.

"Curdled Cave?" she asked.

Klaus explained the rest until we were all on the same page.

Klaus Baudelaire's POV

"I'm going to go to the room," Jane said, heading to the door. Her hair blew wildly from the rough gust of wind blowing in from the window. "I'm going to gather some things we might need for our trip while you guys find an atlas."

"Be careful, bluh," I managed to warn her, although my tongue was still swollen. She paused, turning back to face me.

"You too," she said, mostly to me. My heart raced as she stared at me with her pale blue-green eyes. I smiled warmly at her. Then, she spun on her heel and walked out of the room. I stared after her for a few minutes. She always seemed to take my breath away every time I saw her. There was some sort of excitement and adventure inside her that I longed to have. She wasn't a very ordinary girl.

Violet, Sunny, and I left the library as a gust of wind shook the entire house and began searching for an atlas of Lake Larchymose. We looked in Aunt Josephine's room. That was when I realized.

"Under the bed!" I cried, getting down on my knees and looking under the bed. It was dark under there but I was able to find a stack of books. One of them was an atlas. I opened it immediately and found the Table of Contents.

"But this book is so big," Violet cried, "How are we going to find a map of Curdled Cave?"

"The index, of course," I said, already having flipped to the index. I scanned the page and found Curdled Cave. I turned to the page and abruptly found the correct map. "Here!" I cried. A round of thunder sounded and a lightning bolt flashed near the room. We heard a thud and suddenly, the floor of the room tilted. The bed scraped along the floor and my siblings and I were thrown forward. I held the book tightly in my arms.

When the thunder paused for a split second, I rose. I helped Violet and Sunny up. As I did another bolt of lightning flashed and more thunder echoed. The room shook violently, and we had to clutch the radiator to keep from falling again. But all of the booming thunder was muffled by a blood-curdling scream.

My blood ran cold. My mind was only on one person.

"Jane!" I cried, "Come on!" I moved as fast as I could out of the room. Violet picked up Sunny and followed quickly. She grasped my hand as we fought against the tilted home as it began to slip into the waters below. We were near our bedroom now. There was another scream.

"Go!" I told Violet, "Get out of the house. I'll help Jane."

"No," Violet protested, "we're not splitting up."

"I don't want you two to get hurt too," I cried, "now, go!"

"But what about you?" Violet shouted. "What if you get hurt? What if you die trying to save her?"

I sighed. "That's a risk that I'm willing to take," I said, firmly. I knew as I said it, that it was true. Nothing in the world meant more to me then Jane.

Tears brimmed Violet's dark eyes. Sunny trembled in Violet's arms. Tears already were running down her cheeks.

"I don't want to lose you too! We already lost our parents!"

"I know," I whispered, "but there are some things I've learned since we lost our parents. Nothing can replace the people you love. This time, I'm not going to be too late to save someone I may love."

Violet and I stared at each other for a moment.

"You love her?" Violet asked, softly.

I nodded. "I just might. And I can't lose her, Violet," I explained, "she's my best friend. I can't lose you two, either. So you have to go. Get out of the house, now!"

Another lightning bolt struck and the house shook. Jane screamed again. I didn't waste another minute. I thrust the atlas into Violet's free hand and entered our bedroom.

"Jane!" I cried when I saw her dangling over the lake. Apart of the roof had fallen through and so did a portion of the floor. Now, Jane was clutching one of the wooden bars that held up the house with one arm. The other was tucked close to her body. Rain poured heavily down and she was soaking wet. Her arm was beginning to slip and she was straining to hold on.

"Klaus!" she screamed, "help me!"

I ran to her, kneeling down in front of where she was. Tears streamed down her face. My heart pounded. How could I help her?

Her arm was beginning to slip as she tried desperately to pull herself up. She looked at me pleadingly. What could I do?

I reached out to her other hand. She was reluctant but brought it out from where it had been resting close to her body. I grabbed her hand. She flinched but gripped my hand as tightly as she could.

"Don't let me go!" she cried, desperately, "Please don't let me fall!"

"It's okay," I tried to reassure her, "I'm not going to let you fall."

I reached out with my other hand to grab her under one of her armpits. Adrenaline gave me the strength to lift her. She cried out when I did and I stopped.

"No," she managed through sharp gasps, "Don't. I'm okay."

I continued to lift her and flinched when she shrieked in pain again. I placed her on the floor beside me. Then, I rose and helped Jane to her feet. She swayed dangerously. I caught her before she fell and lifted her back into my arms.

"I'll get you out of here," I told her.

"Grab that bag by the door," she whispered. I grabbed the bag as I hurried from the room with Jane.

We reached the kitchen where the roof had also crashed through the floor. I was moving against the wind past where the kitchen table had been. Suddenly, Jane screamed.

"Klaus, the fridge!" she yelled.

I moved out of the way just as the fridge fell and began sliding into the lake as the floor was tilted. I kept moving forward and dodged more objects as they all fell into the dark waters. I was almost to the front door when the stove fell and began sliding to its doom. The cord that held the fire for the stove ignited as it uncoiled and faced the doorknob. It began to heat up and turned slightly orange. I stared at it with wide eyes.

"No way," I gasped. I dove to the ground covering Jane, who was unconscious and myself from the pieces that burst and flew everywhere. I peeked up to see if it was safe to keep going. I picked Jane back up. The roof was about to fall overhead and I the front door was now swinging off of its hinges. I raced out the door as the roof came crashing down, diving to the ground just outside the door.


	16. Never Say Never TWW:Chapter 6:Curdled Cave

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's a new chapter! :)

Here's a new chapter! :)

* * *

Chapter Six: The Last of Aunt Josephine

The smoke from the rubble cleared enough so that I could see Violet standing a few feet away, holding Sunny in her arms.

"Klaus!" she cried, when she saw us. She ran toward Jane and I. I moved off of Jane whose eyes were still shut. "Are you okay?"

I nodded. "I'm fine," I whispered, hoarsely. "Here," Violet put Sunny down, who was clutching the atlas and held a hand out to help me up.

"You don't look fine at all," Violet said, "and neither does Jane." She bent down and to touch Jane's wrist where her pulse was.

"Is…Jane…" I trailed off.

"I can't be sure if she's completely okay," she whispered, "but I don't think she'll die. She probably just fainted."

I knelt down beside Jane. I was about to scoop Jane up into my arms but Violet put her arm out to stop me.

"Klaus, you don't need to carry her," Violet said, "if you want, I will but if she did faint, she'll probably wake soon."

Violet was right and Jane's eyes fluttered open.

She gave me a weak smile. "Hey," she whispered.

I gave her a small smile in return. "Hey."

"You really saved me," she whispered.

"I promised that I wouldn't let you fall," I replied. She smiled shyly. "Can you walk?"

Jane nodded slightly. "I think so."

Violet and I helped Jane up and made sure she was okay on her feet. It was hard to, though, because she flinched every time one of us tried to touch her left arm.

"Are you hurt?" Violet asked Jane.

She grimaced. "My arm really hurts. I think I broke it. Ow!" she said when she moved her arm close to her again.

"I think I could make a sling if I can find a cloth," Violet offered, she noticed the bag still in my hands. "What's in there?"

"Some things I thought might be useful," Jane explained, "There might be something in there we could use. I think I have a blanket in there."

Violet searched the bag and pulled out the blanket. She had Jane stay still with my arm held close to her as she wrapped it around her and tied it into a knot. The sling was done being constructed.

"Is that alright?" Violet asked.

Jane nodded. "Thank you."

Suddenly Jane caught me off guard and smashed me in a huge hug, being careful not to hurt her arm.

Jane blushed scarlet. "Thank you, for saving my life." She smiled again, flashing her teeth.

"Does your arm still hurt?" I asked.

Violet nodded. "Well, we'd better get going if we want to catch a ferry to Curdled Cave."

* * *

It's short but the next chapter will be posted in five minutes. :)

Its very short but the next chapter will be posted too!


	17. Never Say Never TWW:Chapter 7: Overboard

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **So i skipped again to make this go faster. I skipped their journey in the sail boat to Curdled Cave and rescuing Aunt Josephine. I skipped to just after Violet signals help from the leeches and sees a boat approaching from the distance. It turns out that the person in the boat may be the one person the four orphans need the least help from.**

**So i skipped again to make this go faster. I skipped their journey in the sail boat to Curdled Cave and rescuing Aunt Josephine. I skipped to just after Violet signals help from the leeches and sees a boat approaching from the distance. It turns out that the person in the boat may be the one person the four orphans need the least help from.**

* * *

"Welcome aboard," Captain Sham said, "I'm quite happy to see you all. I thought you children fell into the lake along with this old lady's house. Fortunately, my assistant told me you four stole a boat and ran away. And you, Josephine I thought you jumped out the window and did the sensible thing."

"I tried to do the sensible thing," Aunt Josephine said, sourly, "but these children came and got me."

Captain Sham pulled his boat along side ours and we all stepped in.

"Aye, aye Captain Sham," I said as I stepped in with Klaus and Violet's help since my arm made doing a lot of things, nearly impossible.

Captain Sham looked at me and scowled. "What happened to your arm?"

"Hurricane Herman," I said, "I almost fell into the lake but Klaus saved me. Isn't he great?"

"Oh, yes," Captain Sham said, sarcastically, "it's too bad you didn't fall in."

"Oh, but then we wouldn't have as much fun anymore," I said, "I have more pirate jokes. What does a pirate say when he runs into an ex-girlfriend?"

"What?" Captain Sham asked, annoyed.

"Akwarrrrrrrrd!" I said.

He scowled even more. "Aren't you going to thank me for saving your lives, orphans?" Captain Sham said, "If it weren't for me, you'd be leech food."

"If it weren't for you we wouldn't even be on Lake Lachrymose," Violet said fiercely.

"You can blame Josephine for that," Captain Sham said. "Faking her own death was clever, but not clever enough. You're fortunes will still belong to me and unfortunately you brats come with it."

"I belong to nobody," I cried, stubbornly, "I'd rather go back to my boarding school then live with you. Even if you are dressed as a pirate."

"We'll never belong to you," Klaus said, backing me up, "When Mr. Poe hears about what you did, you'll go to jail."

"Is that so?" Captain Sham said, raising one half of his eyebrow. "Mr. Poe will send me to jail, eh? Why Mr. Poe is finishing up your papers right now. In a few hours, you will be Violet, Klaus, Jane, and Sunny Sham."

Sunny shrieked something that I didn't understand and no one was in the mood to translate.

"Ew!" I cried, "What a horrible name!"

Captain Sham sneered. "And soon it'll be your name too, Blondie. And I don't think I'll be very forgiving about that phone call so you'd better behave."

"I will, if you will," I said.

"But we won't be the Shams," Violet said, "once Mr. Poe hears about what you did, he'll tear up those adoption papers."

"Why would Mr. Poe believe three children who steal sail boats?" Captain Sham said.

"Because we're telling the truth!" Klaus cried.

"Truth, schmuth," the captain said. "He'll be more likely to believe the owner of a respectable boating business who rescued four ungrateful brats who steal."

"Enough about you're stupid boating business," I cried, "We only stole it so we could rescue Aunt Josephine so she could tell everyone about your plan."

"Nobody believes a dead woman," Captain Sham said.

I glared at him. "She isn't dead," I cried, "anyone can see that!"

"She's not dead… _yet_ ," Captain Sham said, and took a step toward Aunt Josephine.

"Oh no," Aunt Josephine said, "Please don't throw me overboard!"

"You'll be united with your beloved Ike before you can reveal anything to Mr. Poe," Captain Sham said, taking another step forward.

"No she won't," Violet said, grabbing a rope, "I'll steer us back to shore before you can."

"I'll help," Klaus said, determinedly, grabbing the tiller.

Sunny shrieked something that sounded like, "Igal!" and stepped in front of Aunt Josephine.

I pursed my lips. "You're not going to kill anyone else," I said, stepping in front of Sunny and Aunt Josephine, "Not Aunt Josephine! I'll help too!"

"I won't say anything to Mr. Poe!" Aunt Josephine said, "I'll hide away somewhere and change my name. Tell him I'm dead! You can have the fortune and the children! I'll do anything, just don't throw me to the leeches."

I was horrified, she was actually giving us to Captain Sham?

"You're our caretaker," Violet cried in the same horror, "you're not supposed to be putting us up for grabs!"

Captain Sham paused, considering. "You have a point. I don't have to kill you. As long as people think you're dead."

"I'll change my name, dye my hair, and get colored contact lenses!"

"What about us?" Klaus asked, astonished.

"Quiet, orphan," Captain Sham snapped, "the adults are talking. I wish I could believe you. But Josephine, you hadn't been a very trustworthy person."

"Haven't been," Aunt Josephine corrected.

"What?" Captain Sham asked. I squeezed my eyes tightly shut and shook my head. Never correct Count Olaf or any terrible person on his or her grammar when they're threatening your life. It was like a death sentence. I did that to Carmelita Spats sometimes on homework. When I pointed out a spelling error on her work, she sneered and the next thing I knew, my homework was gone. Apparently, Carmelita had stolen it and handed it in as her own work. I got in trouble from the teacher for not having my homework done. When I tried to explain, she accused me of being irresponsible. Maybe I wasn't always the most organized, but I was still a little bit responsible.

Aunt Josephine went on about the correct grammar.

Captain Sham smiled so bright it almost hurt to look at him. "Thank you for pointing that out." He took one more step toward her so I could smell his terrible breath. Before I could stop him, Captain Sham reached down and grabbed the arm that was injured. He shoved me out of the way to the other end of the boat. I cried out in pain. Then Captain Sham kicked Sunny in the same direction with his peg leg. Anger filled me as I watched Captain Sham push Aunt Josephine. She fell into the water. She was wearing two life jackets and she floated on the water as the leeches swarmed her. I shut my eyes, too scared to see what was happening.

Violet and Klaus were calling Aunt Josephine's name out loud and other things. I started to cry. I opened my eyes when I was able to control myself a little bit. Everyone was silent. Klaus was crying too and Sunny. Violet didn't cry though, her eyes looked sad. She smiled and lightly touched my shoulder.

"It's okay," she reassured us all, "Mr. Poe will listen to us. He'll have to."

I hoped she was right, but Mr. Poe never listened to us.

"Ow!" I heard Captain Sham cry. He pulled his hand back from the tiller sharply. He touched it again and nothing happened. He shrugged and carried on; a triumphant grin was spread across his face.

I just hoped that Aunt Josephine was safe and that she was swimming back to shore.

* * *

I'll most likely be skipping the end to this book and jumping right into the Miserable Mill which i'll post here like i did with TWW. Basically what happens in the end is Mr. Poe won't believe the orphans when they try to tell him about Aunt Josephine. Captain Sham is close to snatching them but Sunny bites Count Olaf's peg leg. It breaks and reveals his leg and tattoo. But Count Olaf and his she/he associate escape again!


	18. Never Say Never TMM:

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's the start of the Miserable Mill! I skipped most of the book since nothing much happens. The part that i skipped is the four go to Paltryville to stay with a new guardian at Lucky Smells Lumbermill. Sir is not very nice and forces them to work there as pay back for him keeping Olaf away. They don't see Olaf anywhere and the Baudelaire's and Jane begin to think that maybe Count Olaf gave up. Then Foreman Flacutono tripped Klaus and made him break his glasses. Charles, Sir's partner takes Klaus to the eye doctor to get his glasses fixed. the building is in the eerie shape of an eye. Klaus is gone for a long time and the others start to worry Violet, Jane, and Sunny go to the eye-shaped building just as Klaus is leaving. But something is diffferent about him. the next morning he leaves without his shoes and hurries to the mill. Foreman Flacutono has Klaus operate the stamping machine which drops on Phil's leg. Then suddenly Klaus is back to normal. He is tripped again and this time Violet, Jane, and Sunny insist on bringing Klaus theirselves...

Here's the start of the Miserable Mill! I skipped most of the book since nothing much happens. The part that i skipped is the four go to Paltryville to stay with a new guardian at Lucky Smells Lumbermill. Sir is not very nice and forces them to work there as pay back for him keeping Olaf away. They don't see Olaf anywhere and the Baudelaire's and Jane begin to think that maybe Count Olaf gave up. Then Foreman Flacutono tripped Klaus and made him break his glasses. Charles, Sir's partner takes Klaus to the eye doctor to get his glasses fixed. the building is in the eerie shape of an eye. Klaus is gone for a long time and the others start to worry Violet, Jane, and Sunny go to the eye-shaped building just as Klaus is leaving. But something is diffferent about him. the next morning he leaves without his shoes and hurries to the mill. Foreman Flacutono has Klaus operate the stamping machine which drops on Phil's leg. Then suddenly Klaus is back to normal. He is tripped again and this time Violet, Jane, and Sunny insist on bringing Klaus theirselves...

* * *

Chapter 1: Dr. Orwell

We stood outside the gates of the Lumbermill. The eye-shaped building was in the distance but we were reluctant to move toward it.

"We don't have to go," Violet said, "We could run away. We could probably find jobs some where else."

"What if he found us?" Klaus asked. "We'd be in much more danger. We can't survive on our own."

"We can protect ourselves," Violet said, "We've done it before."

"Barely," Klaus said, "We have to see Dr. Orwell and hope for the best. I'll be okay."

"No you won't be okay," I cried, "Nothing good can come from this. You were walking around like a zombie and you hurt Phil. You barely even remembered who we were."

"I can't remember any of that," Klaus said, "all I remember is walking in there and everything else was forgotten. It was as if I…" Klaus trailed off.

"What?" Violet said.

"…as if I were hypnotized," he finished. "It would explain everything."

My eyes widened. "But hypnosis only happens in movies."

Klaus grinned. "Actually, I read an encyclopedia all about hypnosis. There was one story about an ancient Egyptian king who had been hypnotized. All they had to do was say a certain word and the king would perform chicken imitations even though he was in front of the royal court."

I giggled. "That's funny."

Klaus laughed. "And there was a Chinese merchant during the Ling Dynasty who was hypnotized. He could play the violin any time the hypnosis said the command word. And-"

"Mazee!" Sunny shrieked. Violet translated.

"I'm sorry," Klaus said, grinning. "I get carried away when I talk about that book. It was very interesting and I'm happy it's coming in handy."

"What did it say about stopping hypnotism?" I asked.

His grin disappeared. "Nothing."

"An entire encyclopedia has nothing about stopping hypnotism?" Violet said.

"It might have but I didn't read it. I skipped some of the boring parts though."

We stared at the eye-shaped building.

"I'm never skipping the boring parts of a book ever again," Klaus said and walked carefully toward the building.

"Where are you going?" I asked, horrified.

"You're not going inside?" Violet said, in a tone that said she thought he was being foolish.

"There's nothing else we can do," Klaus said and walked up to the door. I ran forward up beside him. I was dreading this more than anything.

"What if something worse happens to you," I said.

"Jane, the worse they'll do is probably hypnotize me again," Klaus said, "I won't be hurt in any other way."

"But I-"

"Why hello Klaus," Dr. Orwell said, nodding stiffly at us. She had blond hair pulled into a bun. She wore big, black boots and was holding a black cane with a shiny red jewel on top, "I didn't think you would return so soon. Did you break your glasses again?"

"Unfortunately," Klaus said.

"That's not good," she said, "But I have few appointments today so come on in and I'll run the necessary tests."

We glanced at each other nervously. She seemed nice and she wasn't Count Olaf or one of his henchmen…at least I didn't think so. I've never met any of them except for the hook handed man and the one that looks like neither a man nor a woman.

"Come on," she said, pointing the way with her cane. "My receptionist, Shirley, made some cookies that you girls can eat in the waiting room while I take care of Klaus' glasses. It won't take as long as it did yesterday."

I looked at Klaus and back at Dr. Orwell. "Will you hurt Klaus?" I demanded, "Are you going to hypnotize him?"

"Hypnotize?" she repeated, smiling. "Of course not. Hypnosis isn't real like magic."

I knew now that hypnotism was real and I kind of believed in magic. After all of that Mathilda stuff. What else could explain it? The question was: Why I could do this sort of magic? Klaus and his sisters cautiously stepped inside, but I stayed. I was still worried. I didn't know how much I could trust this woman after Klaus was hypnotized. Maybe she wasn't hypnotizing Klaus, but someone in this place was, and I didn't want to know who. I didn't want Klaus going with some strange woman who we didn't know. What if her assistant was Count Olaf in disguise and he hypnotized Klaus again?

"Come on, Jane," Klaus said, encouragingly.

"I won't bite," Dr. Orwell said, still smiling.

I sighed and stepped inside. We walked down a hallway.

"This is the way to the office," she told us, "Klaus told me that he's an avid reader. Do you three read as well?"

"Yes," Violet said, relaxing. "We read as much as we can."

"I do too," I said, relaxing a little too. I trusted Violet's opinion. She was beginning to feel like an older sister to me, "I love fiction and telling stories. One time my friends at school tried to scare me by telling me the story of Dracula. I was a little scared but mostly fascinated. I still remember the story."

"Maybe that's why you're so worried about hypnotism," she said, "but I can assure you that only horror movies and stories have hypnotism. But have you ever read the expression 'You catch more flies with honey than with vinegar'?"

"Tuzmo," Sunny replied.

"No," I said, "Flies are so gross and really annoying. I wouldn't want to read about them. I'm sure Klaus has though. He could tell you a lot about flies. He tells me about all kinds of things."

I smiled brightly at Klaus who returned it with a sheepish grin.

Dr. Orwell laughed. "That's not what I meant. It's just an expression so it doesn't really have to do with flies. It's a fancier way of saying that you're more likely to get what you want by acting sweetly, like honey, rather than in a distasteful way, like vinegar."

"That's interesting," Klaus said.

"You're probably wondering why I'm bringing it up," Dr. Orwell said, pausing in front of a door that said 'Waiting Room'. "However, I think in a moment it will all be clear to you. Now, Klaus, follow me to the office and you girls can wait in the waiting room through that door."

We hesitated. I looked worriedly at Klaus, who smiled reassuringly.

"It'll just be a few moments," she said, and patted Sunny's head.

"Alright," Violet said.

Violet waved as they walked away. I stared worriedly at Klaus. I hated not knowing what was going to happen to him. I was going to punch that mean Count Olaf the next time I saw him.

We pushed open the door to the waiting room. I stared gloomily at the floor as we walked in. I looked up when I heard Violet utter a tiny gasp. I saw who they were looking at immediately. It wasn't just any receptionist. The receptionist wore a light brown dress and beige shoes that only someone who wasn't interested in fashion or a girl would wear. I wouldn't say I was dressed fashionable but I didn't have many clothes. When I got my fortune, I would buy a closet full of pretty dresses and shoes. I really wanted those Uggs that everyone liked or a pair of cool black boots. Carmelita Spats had had a pair but she never let me borrow them. The receptionist also wore a blonde wig and pale lipstick. But I knew as soon as I saw those shiny eyes, who it really was. Count Olaf of course.


	19. Shirley

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another chapter! :)

Another chapter! :)

* * *

Chapter Two: Shirley

"Well hello there, little girls," Count Olaf said in a high voice, "What are your names?"

"You already know our names," I said curtly, "That blond wig, which by the way is a disgrace to blonds like myself, and that lipstick don't fool us. Only you or some one very unfashionable would wear that dress and those shoes. You're Count Olaf."

"I'm afraid I don't understand," Count Olaf said, "I'm Shirley and it was rude of you to say such things. Don't you see my nameplate?"

Sunny shrieked something which I guessed meant something like "That doesn't prove anything!"

"Sunny's right," Violet said, "A piece of wood with your name on it doesn't mean you're name is Shirley."

"I'll tell you why I'm Shirley," he said, dangerously, "I'm Shirley because I want to be Shirley and it is impolite for you to not call me Shirley."

"It doesn't matter to me if we're impolite to someone as disgusting as you," Violet said.

Olaf shook his head. "But if you do something rude to you, I'll do something rude to you, like tearing out your hair with my bare hands."

We looked at his hands. His fingers were longer than usual, sharp, and painted bright pink.

"Alright, Shirley," I said, "Have you been around Paltryville since we got here?"

"I might've," she said.

"Have you been hiding out here this whole time?" Violet asked.

"Perhaps," she said, batting noticeably long eyelashes.

"You're also in cahoots with Dr. Orwell!" Violet said.

"Possibly," Shirley said, crossing her legs so we could see she wore white stockings with eyes on them.

Sunny shrieked something.

"Sunny means that Dr. Orwell hypnotized Klaus and caused the accident at the mill, right?"

"Conceivably," Shirley said.

"And he's being hypnotized again right now?" I cried, filled with dread. It wasn't fair!

"It's within the bounds of the imagination," Shirley said.

My heart sank and I glanced toward the door. Violet took a step back, holding Sunny's hand. "And now you're going to try to whisk us away?"

"Of course not," Shirley said, "I'm going to offer you cookies, like a good receptionist."

"We don't want your stupid cookies," I cried, angrily, "and you're not a receptionist!"

"I most certainly am. I'm a poor receptionist who lives all alone, and who wants very much to raise children of her own. Four children, actually: a smartypants little girl, a smartass, lying, blond, annoying little girl, a hypnotized little boy, and a buck toothed baby."

"You're blond too," I pointed out.

"Well you can't raise us," Violet said, "Sir is already our guardian."

"He'll hand you to me soon enough," Shirley said.

"Don't be ab- " Violet started but faltered.

"Ab?" a voice said from behind us, "What does 'ab' mean?"

We turned around and saw Dr. Orwell bringing Klaus into the waiting room. I flinched when I saw Klaus' wide, wide eyes and his daze expression.

"Klaus!" Violet cried, "We were so worried ab-" She faltered again, probably noticing his dazed expression.

"There you go again," Dr. Orwell said, "What does it mean?"

"'Ab' isn't a word of course," Shirley said, "Only a stupid person would say a word like 'ab'."

"They are stupid aren't they?" Dr. Orwell agreed. "They must have low self-esteem."

"I couldn't agree more, Dr. Orwell," Shirley said.

"Call me Georgina," she replied, winking, "Now, girls, here is your brother or friend or whatever you call him. He's tired after his appointment but he'll be better in the morning. Much better." She pointed her cane at the door. "I think you know you're way out."

"I don't," Klaus said, faintly. "I can't remember coming here."

I flinched, tears brimmed my eyes.

"That happens often after eye appointments," Dr. Orwell said. "Now run along."

"No it doesn't," I cried, pouting, "the patient isn't supposed to lose memory. Memory has to do with you're brain, not your eyes. What really happened is that you lied and hurt Klaus."

"I said, get out," Dr. Orwell repeated, nastily.

I was about to retort when Violet put a restraining hand on my shoulder. "Don't, it's not worth it," she said.

I sighed and reluctantly closed my mouth. Violet took Klaus' hand and began led him out of the room.

"Toodle-oo orphans!" Shirley said. Shirley waved as we left and Klaus waved back.

"Don't wave to her," Violet hissed as we walked back down the hallway.

"She seems like a nice lady," Klaus said, frowning, "I know I've met her somewhere before."

"That's because it's Count Olaf in disguise," I said, gently, "Count Olaf isn't very nice at all."

Klaus smiled. "If you say so, Jamie," he said vaguely.

I gaped, horrified. How could he forget my name? "Klaus, my name is Jane, not Jamie."

"I'm sorry," he said, "I'm just very tired."

"We shouldn't have wasted that time talking to Shirley when we could have been saving you." Violet said, "You're hypnotized again. Klaus, please concentrate. Try to remember what happened."

"I broke my glasses then we left the lumbermill…I'm so tired Veronica. Can I go to bed?"

"It's Violet," Violet said, "My name is not Veronica."

"I'm sorry," Klaus said, "I'm just tired."

Violet opened the door and we stepped out onto the streets of Paltryville.

"We should probably take him back to the dormitory," I said, "he's in no condition to do much else. Then we should go and tell Sir what happened. He'll help us. If we're lucky. Come on Klaus."

He was still standing in the entrance. "Yes, ma'am," he said and descended the stairs. I flinched again.

Violet and Sunny agreed with me and we headed back to the dormitory.


	20. The Plan

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's a new chapter! Please review! BTW i know in TWW Jane hurts her arm and about that...she didn't break her arm like she thought she did, she just strained her wrist and is wearing one of those braces.

Here's a new chapter! Please review! BTW i know in TWW Jane hurts her arm and about that...she didn't break her arm like she thought she did, she just strained her wrist and is wearing one of those braces.

* * *

 **Chapter Three: The Plan**

When we got back, the workers were surprised we were still there after the accident. Phil reassured us that only his leg hurt and he wasn't angry with us. We found a note from Sir about the accident. We were worried to see it said if we caused another accident, he would place us in the care of Shirley. Violet said we needed to go see Sir but Klaus couldn't come because of his state.

"Klaus simply cannot go," Violet said.

"I'll watch him," I offered.

"Thanks, Jane," Violet said to me. She gave me a quick hug before leaving with Sunny. I silently watched them go.

I turned back to see Klaus's eyes were still open and he was watching me expectantly. But they weren't the same kind, warm, intelligent, and safe brown eyes that usually looked at me. His eyes were glassy and hollow as if he had no sense about what was happening. As hard as I searched, there was no sign of Klaus Baudelaire in his eyes. I sat down at the end of the bottom bunk near Klaus' feet and sighed.

"Maybe if we're lucky, Sir will help us. Now, go to sleep, Klaus," I whispered, gently, "Everything will be okay in the morning. I promise."

"Yes, ma'am," he replied and obeyed. I flinched again at him calling me ma'am. He couldn't forget who I was. I squeezed my eyes tightly shut and tried not to cry. I wanted to scream at Dr. Orwell and Count Olaf for doing this to Klaus. They made Klaus this lifeless zombie and it broke my heart that there was nothing I could do about it.

I opened my eyes and removed his glasses that he had neglected to take off. I moved to pull the blanket over Klaus. I remembered how he had taken care of me when I had strained my wrist. Even subtle things like making sure the sling wasn't too tight. So I would stay and take care of him while he was ill. I wouldn't sleep or eat or drink until I made sure he was better. I lay back beside him on the bed.

A lump formed in my throat and I couldn't take it. Tears filled my eyes and poured down my cheeks.

"Oh, Klaus," I sobbed into his shoulder like a little five year old, "d-don't go away. P-please, don't let him do this to you. I-I n-need y-you…w-we all d-do."

Of course, nothing happened. Klaus remained with his eyes closed. Why did this have to happen? We were just kids. But if we didn't help Klaus, Shirley would get us and Klaus will be hypnotized forever.

 _No!_ I couldn't let that happen to Klaus. I didn't want to spend one minute more looking at those glassy, clueless eyes. I wanted _my_ Klaus back. The Klaus who never stopped talking about interesting books and big words that I didn't even know of until he mentioned them. The Klaus who looked out for his siblings and I. The Klaus that I met at Uncle Monty's and fell in love with. I mean, maybe love was too big to describe this…maybe I was being a little dramatic…I probably wouldn't fall in love with someone until I was much older. But I liked Klaus and even if it wasn't love, we were still friends. I cared about him and I wouldn't want anything bad to happen to him. I never wanted to lose Klaus. And I especially wasn't going to let Shirley get away with doing this to my best friend. It wasn't fair. I had to do something. I had to stop this once and for all.

I looked out the lone window. There were no stars out and so all I could see was darkness. But in my mind I saw an eye-shaped building. I realized I was now standing up beside the bed. Something was pulling me to that building. Something deep inside me. And I knew despite how dangerous it would be, what I had to do.

"Phil?" I whispered, taping him on the shoulder. I wiped my eyes with the back of the hand that wasn't in a brace. I had only strained my arm from Hurricane Herman so I didn't need a cast. The brace would be taken off in just a week.

"Yes?" Phil asked, sleepily.

"Could you please watch Klaus?" I asked, "I need to go with Violet and Sunny." I lied.

"Sure, no problem," he said, kindly.

"Thanks," I said, and then I hurried out the door.

I walked across the filthy courtyard, staring up at the sky as I went. There was a half moon and a million stars. I reached the wooden gate, which towered over me like a giant and paused. It had sharp ends and looked very unfriendly. I sighed and grabbed the cold, metal handle and pulled it open wide. Now I faced the wide-open spaces of Paltryville.

I hated it here, despite the fact that Shirley was here. Everything was so flat and empty. There was barely any grass or flowers. Most of the plants that grew here were trees, that were almost bare, and weeds. You could see for miles around here and the openness of this place made me feel so small and alone. And I _was_ alone. I was only ten years old and I was already so alone. 'Why?' I asked, no one in particular, for the umpteenth time in my life. I bit my lip. But I already knew the answer to that. It was because of my parents and Count Olaf. Mostly my parents though, if they hadn't abandoned me, I wouldn't be standing here. I would have a home and a proper bed to sleep at night. I would never have felt so lonely. They were the first people in my life who ever made me feel small and alone. After that it was that wretched Carmelita Spats. Count Olaf made me feel alone, sure, but not as alone as I felt all those years at that boarding school. At least I had the Baudelaire's. They made everything feel a little better. Except for now. Now Klaus was gone. Not really gone but, he was gone to me. He wasn't Klaus anymore now that he was hypnotized. How could I get Klaus back to make everything feel right again? I wished that Klaus were with me and I didn't have to face this danger all by myself. I wasn't ready for this. I couldn't invent clever things to help me, I didn't have four sharp teeth, and I don't think I'd do a good job researching like Klaus always does. So I had to do what _I_ could do. Even if that meant I was risking my own life.

I know when I first met Count Olaf that I acted like I wasn't afraid of him and even said that I wasn't afraid of dying but…what did I know? I was so young and I'm still so young. I guess before this, I was so miserable that dying didn't seem like such a bad thing. I'm still miserable but now…I have something or someone to live for. The Baudelaire's. And now that I've seen Uncle Monty dead and saw Aunt Josephine be eaten by leeches, I understood what death really was. I guess before, I hadn't been as knowledgeable about death except that when you die, you go to heaven, but only if you're good. Now, I understood that death was a terrible thing and was scared to death of Count Olaf killing me. I was scared of dying period. There were so many things in life that I would miss.

As I moved farther out from the gates, I began to see my destination up ahead. When I laid eyes on the building, I stopped in my tracks, my heart racing. A gust of wind blew around me making me shiver, not just because I was cold. The eye looked eerie in the moonlight and it bore into me as if it were Count Olaf himself, watching my every move. I wanted to run back to Klaus so badly and not have to face this. But I held strong. I had to, for Klaus. He needed me and he saved _my_ life when I needed him the most.

I took a deep, shaky breath and took a step forward. 'One step at a time' I told myself and slowly, I moved closer to the building. When I was close enough, I got down on my hands and knees. I crawled to the side of the building where there was a window, big enough for a ten-year-old girl to fit through. I slowly rose and peered through it. It was dark so I couldn't really see much of what was inside. 'Please don't be locked,' I said to myself over and over as I placed my hands on both sides of the window. I used every ounce of strength I had to try to push it open, but it wouldn't budge. I groaned and tried again. It still didn't move an inch.

I tried not to cry out in frustration. I was such an idiot. Thinking Shirley would be stupid enough to leave the windows unlocked. With one last shred of hope, I tried again, pushing with all of my might. I slipped and fell backwards and landed on my butt. "Ow," I cried, as quietly as possible. I sighed and got to my feet. I was about to walk away when I noticed that the window was open.

I spun around and smiled to myself, triumphantly. But I knew I wouldn't win until I found what I was looking for. I went back to the window and found a ledge on the side of the building. I used it to help myself climb through. As I was lifting my other leg over the window sill, I slipped and fell on my butt again. My leg knocked over a small garbage can and it made a _thud_. I flinched and was frozen in silence. I listened carefully in case someone was coming. There was just silence so I got back to my feet. As I looked around the room I was choked in fear. I was in some kind of office. My eyes adjusted enough so I could read the name Shirley on the nameplate at the desk made using gum. It was like stumbling right into a lion's den. But if there were anything about hypnosis in this building, it would probably be in Shirley's desk. Just like Stephano's bedroom, Shirley's office was filthy.

I switched my gaze back to the desk and stepped toward it. I paused again, listening for any sounds. I could hear a faint noise of people talking but it wasn't anywhere nearby. I took another step forward and a few more, until I could touch the knob of one of the drawers. I pulled it open and looked through the stack of papers. Nothing on hypnosis.

I looked through every drawer but still couldn't find it. I closed the drawer I had just been searching through and sighed.

I heard the talking noises again…and one of them was getting closer. A deep voice. I stood there, paralyzed in fear as I heard his voice just outside the door.

"It's going to work," he was saying, "the plan is pure genius. I'll have that fortune in no time at all."

The other voice spoke but I couldn't understand what the person said. I guessed it was Dr. Orwell.

"I have a bottle of wine in my office," he said, "so we can celebrate our victory. I'll go get it."

I stifled a scream and immediately got down under the desk. I tucked myself in close so I wouldn't be seen.

I heard the doorknob turn and all at once the door flung open. I was shaking so badly and I barely breathed as Shirley took a step inside and turned the light on. The brightness made my eyes hurt so I didn't see him walk to the other side of the desk. I craned my neck and saw him standing on the other side.

"What's this window doing open?" Count Olaf said, to himself, pushing it closed. I froze. I left the window open! Olaf turned around and stood there for a moment.

I squeezed my eyes shut. My heart was beating so loudly, that he could probably hear it. Any second now he would probably look down and see me. Then I would never save Klaus. I opened my eyes again and saw that he had moved away from the window. I turned my head back around towards the door, but he wasn't there either.

Suddenly, I felt something grab my ankle. Then, all at once I found myself being dragged out from under the desk by my ankles. It happened so fast that I had no time to gasp or scream. I was frozen instead.

I was flipped over on my back and Count Olaf was standing over me still disguised as Shirley. His eyes shined brightly and he looked at me as if I were the enormous fortune he wanted so badly.


	21. Trapped

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's a new chapter!

Here's a new chapter!

* * *

 **Chapter Four: Trapped**

"Well, well, well," Count Olaf or Shirley said, looking down at me like I was a rat that he had caught in a trap. And I _was_ trapped. "look what I found!"

All I could do was stare with my mouth gapping.

"How convenient?" Shirley said, "Now I don't have to retrieve you myself. Only three bratty orphans to go, or are they here too?"

I shook my head, still at a loss for words.

"What are you doing in my office, orphan?" Shirley said, "Did you not pay attention earlier today when I warned you not to be rude to me?"

I bit my lip but said nothing.

Shirley kicked me in the side making me gasp in pain. "You hurt Klaus!" I blurted, "You made him go away! Y-you…" Fresh tears brimmed my eyes.

"You're beloved boyfriend is the one who's hurting people, not me," Shirley said, "didn't he crush that poor man's leg just yesterday?"

I glared at him. "You know that wasn't on purpose," I said, fiercely, "You hypnotized him. That wasn't Klaus who operated that machine. Klaus isn't the person sleeping in that bunk bed right now! Klaus isn't the boy who left here earlier tonight!"

"Dr. Orwell explained that he was just tired," Shirley said, "He'll be fine in the morning. _Better_ than fine actually."

"You made him go away!" I cried, "That glassy, clueless boy you hypnotized is not the Klaus that I know. Bring him back!"

"I'm sorry, orphan," she sneered, "but that isn't how this is going to work. Now, enough chitchat, you're wasting my valuable time. See, while you were busy being useless, your boyfriend woke up and decided to operate more dangerous machines. Wait until Sir sees that his partner is dead, he'll give you brats to me for sure."

I gasped. "No!" I shouted, a tear escaped down my cheek. "Phil said he would watch him…I…I…"

"You trust that idiot?" Shirley sneered, "Not even he would challenge authority. He doesn't want Foreman Flacutono to fire him. How else will he earn money? Now get up." She grabbed my wrist and yanked me to my feet.

"Oh, Georgina," Shirley called, as she began to drag me from the room. I tried to resist but she held my arm in a firm grip.

"Did you get the wine?" Dr. Orwell's voice hollered from somewhere else in the building.

"I've got something better than wine," Shirley crowed.

There were the sounds of footsteps and Dr. Orwell rounded the corner into the hallway where Shirley and I were. When she saw me, a grin spread across her red lips.

"What's that orphan girl doing here?" she asked.

"She was clever enough to find a way into my office but I wasn't fooled for a second," Shirley bragged, "I knew something was wrong as soon as I walked into my office and found the window was open. Then I saw the orphan's shoelace sticking out from underneath my desk. Now our job just got easier."

"Should we use some hypnosis on the girl like that bookworm?" Dr. Orwell asked Shirley, staring at me like a snake about to strike its next victim. "We could use both of them to cause an accident at the lumbermill."

My eyes widened. "No, don't!" I yelled, trying to slip my arm out of Shirley's grasp so I could get away. I couldn't let them hypnotize me or I would never be able to help Klaus. I wouldn't be myself anymore either. But I was just a weak little girl so Shirley was able to keep me from running away.

Shirley's lips curved into a grin. "Perfect!"

"No!" I cried as Shirley started forward again. She yanked me forward as I fought against her tight hold. Dr. Orwell reached out and grabbed my other arm so that I found myself hopelessly trapped. I kicked and screamed as they dragged me into a dark room. One of them turned on the light. There was a bed in the middle of the room with straps. It looked like one of those beds used in mental hospitals.

"No!" I screamed and tried to pull back so they couldn't put me on the bed. Shirley growled, grabbed me, and put me on the bed.

They pinned me down and tightened the straps around my wrists, ankles, and torso. Dr. Orwell grabbed a jeweled cane. Lights from the ceiling glinted on the ruby at the end of the cane.

I kept trying as hard as I could to break free as more tears poured down my cheeks. Dr. Orwell was about to raise her cane when there was a beeping noise. Shirley scowled and took out a walkie talkie from her pocket. She pressed a button and a voice on the other end spoke.

"The bookworm brat is here and so is that old man. The plan should work in a few minutes but I couldn't find that Jam-"

"Shh!" Shirley said into the walkie-talkie, "I have that brat in my clutches right now. She decided to sneak into my office to save her precious boyfriend from the spell Dr. Orwell cast him under."

"Really? Is the Veronica girl with you too or that baby?"

"What? No!" Shirley yelled into the walkie-talkie.

"Well I didn't see them when I went to the workers' dormitory. I got that Phil to tell me they went somewhere and seemed worried. I might need you here in case they've come up with a plan to stop ours. Not that your plan isn't genius…but…"

"I'll be there," Shirley snarled and pressed the off button. "Let's go." She said to Dr. Orwell.

"What about the girl?" she asked, looking pointedly at me.

"Just leave her there," Shirley said, "we'll finish when we get back. Then, we'll have her fortune. If only Jane's mother were here to see what I'm going to do to her _precious_ little child and her stupid friends."

Dr. Orwell laughed cruelly as the two villains left me alone, turning the light out as they left.


	22. The Accident

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's a new chapter! Sorry it took so long.

Here's a new chapter! Sorry it took so long.

* * *

 **Chapter Five: The Accident**

I immediately took action and tried desperately to unbind myself. I had to stop them from making Klaus do something horrible. I resisted against the restraints even though I knew it was no use. I was hopelessly and utterly trapped. I stopped struggling and began to cry for what felt like the thousandth time today.

"Oh, Klaus," I sobbed. I was so angry with myself for getting caught. I failed Klaus, the only boy who ever really liked me for who I was. He was relying on me but I was too weak to save him. But he had been there for me when I needed him. Why couldn't I do the same? I wished Klaus would come in and save me the way he did before. But he couldn't and there was nothing I could do. I just had to face the fact that I'll never see the real Klaus again. I'll never see the light in Klaus' intelligent eyes when he pieces something together like a puzzle or the way his eyes squinted as he devoured his favorite books. I'll never see that spark of curiosity when something interests him. We were doomed and it was my entire fault. I just hoped Violet and Sunny would be smarter and find something to help their brother and my best friend. Let's face it love just wasn't for me. Klaus would eventually find someone as smart as him and undoubtedly fall in love.

I attempted to move into a more comfortable position on the bed and accidentally fell off it and onto the dark green-carpeted floor. I was taken aback as I realized the straps had come off somehow. My head snapped up at the bed, confused. The straps were still attached to the bed but were ripped as if someone cut them with a knife. I guess I shouldn't be freaked out and just be glad I was free…somehow… It was probably that Mathilda magic thing again. I didn't know it could do _this_. I wondered briefly how much 'magic' I could do.

I pushed my thoughts aside for later when Charles wasn't in danger of having an 'accident'. I didn't waste one more moment and started for the door. I remembered that I still hadn't found what I was looking for. I turned on the light and searched the cabinets in the room. I found a piece of paper in one of the bottom cabinets. Written in neat handwriting was: Command word: Lucky, Undo word: Inordinate

"Inordinate," I whispered, "of course." I remembered the last time Klaus had been under the trance someone had asked what the word meant and Klaus defined it as if nothing happened and he hadn't been in a trance since the night before.

I grabbed the piece of paper and stuck it in my pocket before bolting from the room and down the hallway. I sprinted out the front door and across the street. I reached the tall gates of Lucky Smells Lumbermill and swung them open without even the slightest pause. I could spot the Lumbermill building now. My heart pounded in my chest and my legs were growing tired. But I kept going for I knew if I stopped, I would lose everything. That thought drove me forward. I've always loved running. When I was young I used to love the thrill of feeling like I was flying. "Run like the wind," was one of my favorite expressions. In the short moments that I ran down a hill or when I played tag with Carmelita Spats a few times (Tag with Carmelita was a terrible experience that I will hopefully never have to go through again. I only did it because I thought if I were good at tag, she would like me better.) I felt like I could pretend I was Indiana Jones running from the giant boulder or someone else in a place that had no limits. A place where I wasn't stuck behind some kind of fence or wall. I remembered that feeling, in my legs, in my lungs, in my mind, in my heart…until…suddenly, I wasn't tired anymore or at least I could tolerate it. My feet hit the hard ground over and over rhythmically, each step like the sound of a heart beating, as I moved further and further to the large building that loomed up ahead. A strange whirring noise coming from the building made me cringe. I just hoped I wasn't too late.

I got to the doors of the Lumbermill and pulled them open wide. I gasped in horror of what I saw. Charles, Sir's partner was tied to a log on one of the saw machines. Violet and Sunny were watching it all in terror. Shirley, Dr. Orwell, and Foreman Flacutono were grinning wickedly. None of them appeared to notice me but none of that mattered right now, all that I cared about was Klaus, who was pushing the log towards the saw.

" _Inordinate!_ " I shouted, running past every one to Klaus. " _Inordinate!_ "

Klaus blinked and looked around, confused. When he met my gaze his eyes became more focused and he stared at me with wide eyes.

"Jane," he said, "What's happening? Where am I?"

I smiled in relief. "You're okay Klaus. We're in the Lumbermill." I answered him. Klaus glanced at the log that Charles was tied to. When he met my gaze again I knew he understood and he was just as horrified of what was happening.

"Drat!" Dr. Orwell cried. Foreman Flacutono and Dr. Orwell were staring at me with wide eyes. Violet and Sunny looked just as relieved as I was. And Shirley glowered at me furiously, it scared me a little. "How did that brat escape?" Dr. Orwell said.

"She tends to do that," Shirley snarled.

"But we can still cause an accident," Dr. Orwell said.

"Oh, no you can't," Klaus cried and moved to push the log away from the saw.

"Oh, yes we can!" Foreman Flacutono cried, sticking out his leg again. Klaus tripped over it.

"No way!" I shouted at the crazy foreman. I ran over and angrily shoved him so hard that he fell back a few steps, lost his footing, and fell right on his butt. Rage filled his dark, beady eyes. "No one, and I mean no one messes with Klaus Baudelaire. No one!" I yelled crossly. Then I stomped as hard as I could on one of his hands.

"Ow!" he cried and reached out to try and grab my ankles with his good hand. I jumped out of his reach and stepped forward to push Charles out of the way but Flacutono grabbed me from behind. He pulled me away from the log and I tried to kick him but I missed.

"Oh, no you can't," Violet cried, stepping forward to push the log away.

"Oh yes we can!" Shirley cried, and grabbed Violet's arm.

"Oh toonoy!" Sunny shrieked and crawled towards the log.

"Oh yes we can!" Dr. Orwell said and reached down to grab Sunny but she bit Dr. Orwell's hand.

"Gack!" Dr. Orwell cried. Then she smiled, "En garde," she said, pressing the ruby on her cane. Her cane now became a sword and she pointed it at little Sunny. Sunny bared her teeth, ready as the sword came and hit one of her sharp teeth.

I kept trying to escape Foreman Flacutono and help Klaus who didn't seem too hurt by the fall so his glasses were all right. He was staring at everything around him determinedly.

"Klaus!" Violet cried, "Do something!"

"You're brother can't do anything!" Shirley said, "He's just been unhypnotized-he's too dazed to do anything."

I kept struggling to get away from Flacutono. Determined to free myself, I thrust my elbow into his side as hard as I could. He abruptly let go, clutching his side. I took that moment to stomp on his foot. He cried out and his hands flew out to close around my neck. As he lunged forward, I moved backwards causing him to miss and fall down again. He tried to get back up but he fell again. He tried a third time and fell again. I smirked.

"I told you so," I said, running over to Klaus, "Oh and, have a nice fall!" It was cliché sure, but I've always wanted to say that.

"What are you doing Flacutono?" Shirley yelled. "You let the blonde brat get away? Get up off that floor, you idiot!"

I reached Klaus who was stuffing gum into his mouth.

"Klaus," I said, urgently. He looked up and brightened a little but not enough that the worry lines on his forehead relaxed. "What are you doing chewing gum while Charles is about to get his foot chopped off?"

Klaus pointed to the gum. "Start chewing, I'll explain as we go," he managed through a mouthful of gum. I started stuffing gum into my mouth even though I was not quite sure why we were chewing gum. I chewed as quickly as I could. Klaus spit the wad of gum he had been chewing into the palm of his hand and threw it at the machine as hard as he could but it stopped short and plopped to the ground.

A strange noise came from the machine now and we both knew the blade had reached Charles' foot. We shuddered.

"What are we going to do?" I cried, looking at Klaus desperately. His gaze, however, was on the debarkers. He picked up a debarker and studied its rough edge.

"Hold this, please," Klaus said, handing me the debarker. I grabbed it with my right hand, the one that wasn't injured. Then Klaus grabbed more gum and stuffed it into his mouth. He began chewing swiftly. When he was done he took the debarker from me.

"I need your gum, please," Klaus said.

I nodded and spat my gum out into my palm. I attached it to the debarker where Klaus told me to, then he did the same with his own gum. Afterward he brought the debarker behind his shoulder as if he was up to bat at a baseball game.

"Wish me luck," he said, and then swung the debarker forward so that the gum flew towards the machine. It stuck to the string that bound Charles to the log. Klaus cried out in frustration.

"It didn't work!" he cried, tears escaped from his eyes, "And now we're probably going to be put into Shirley's clutches. It's my entire fault. I-"

"It's okay, Klaus," I reassured him, touching him lightly on the shoulder, "don't hate yourself. You did the best you could."

"And it's not good enough, Jane," he said, angrily, "I can't invent a contraption to stop this mess that _I_ made."

"Well, I believe you can invent something to help," I said, quietly, "I believe in you."

Klaus looked back at his contraption focusing on the gum attached to the ropes that bound Charles to the log.

As I studied it closely I realized. "Wait, Klaus. It can still work. It may not have stuck to the saw but if you pulled hard enough…you might be able to pull the log away."

Klaus examined the contraption closely and he brightened. "You're right, Jane!" he said. I grabbed hold of the debarker and together we pulled as hard as we could. And it worked. The log moved out of the blade's reach.

"You did it Klaus!" I exclaimed and hugged him. Tears brimmed my eyes. "You saved him!" I looked up at him and saw that he was crying too.

"You helped," he said, "you gave me that idea."

I smiled. "You would have seen it anyways. But thanks."

Klaus shook his head but didn't comment. All he said was, "I missed you, Jane."

"I missed you too."

We exchanged triumphant smiles and faced the others together. That was when it occurred to me that I wasn't alone anymore. I had someone to stand by my side now. I couldn't hide a smile even as Dr. Orwell caught Sunny and brought the blade of her sword to Sunny's little throat.

"I do believe that there will be an accident at Lucky Smells Lumbermill after all," Dr. Orwell said, cackling. Klaus and I gasped in horror.

Suddenly, the doors to the Lumbermill bust open and Sir stomped in. "What in the world is going on?" he hollered.

Dr. Orwell, startled, took a step backwards. But that one step brought her right into the path of the saw. Her eyes went round and she screamed as the saw caused an accident just like she had said. All I could do was watch with my mouth hanging open.


	23. Lucky

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's a new chapter! :)

Here's a new chapter! :)

* * *

 **Chapter Six: Lucky**

We were brought to Sir's office to discuss the matter. Sir described the situation as dreadful which was a complete understatement. The Baudelaire's and I were still trembling from the events. I couldn't erase the image of Dr. Orwell being sliced up by the sawing machine. And I stayed close to Klaus, afraid if I was away from him, he would slip back into a trance.

The adults were discussing the matter but I paid little attention. I was just relieved that everything was okay and they weren't going to hand us over to Shirley. I shuddered.

"Can we go see this Shirley in person?" Charles asked, quietly, "To be sure. The children seem to be positive."

"They're in the library," Sir said, "Phil is watching them. I guess Charles' library turned out to be very useful-as a temporary jail cell."

"I found the library to be very useful, Sir," Violet said, "We would have never found the command word if it hadn't been for the library and Charles, your partner, would be dead."

"You are definitely clever," Charles said.

"Yes," Sir agreed. "Boarding school will be great for you."

"Did you say boarding school?" Mr. Poe asked.

"Of course," Sir said, "how do you expect me to let you stay after the children broke their end of the deal?"

Sunny shrieked something but her siblings didn't translate.

"Why don't we go see this woman?" Mr. Poe suggested, "So we can settle whether she is Count Olaf or not."

We followed the adults into the library. Phil was in a chair by the door reading a book.

"Hello, Phil," Violet said, "How does your leg feel?"

"It's getting better," he said, "I've been reading this book, _the Paltryville Constitution_. It says it's illegal to pay workers in only coupons."

"We'll talk about that later," Sir said, quickly. "We need to see Shirley."

He opened the door of the library to reveal Shirley and Foreman Flacutono sitting at tables near the window. Shirley held Dr. Orwell's book in her hand. I stepped closer to Klaus, biting my lip nervously.

"Hello children," she said, waving, "I was so worried about you."

"So was I!" Foreman Flacutono said, "It's a good thing I'm not hypnotized anymore. So I won't be treating you badly."

"You were hypnotized too?" Sir asked.

"Of course!" Shirley cried, "We would never have been so cruel to such fragile children." Her eyes shone brightly as she gazed at us. I gave her the best glare that I could manage, even though I was scared to death from everything that had happened.

"See?" Sir said to Mr. Poe, "It makes sense now that they behaved so horribly. This woman is not Count Olaf."

"Count who? I don't know any counts," Foreman Flacutono said.

"Me neither," Shirley said, "I am only a receptionist."

"Perhaps you're also a mother," Sir said, "Shirley would really like to raise children and they're way too much trouble for me."

"No!" I cried, my voice shaking, "We're not living anywhere near Shirley I don't care if she was hypnotized or not. This is still Count Olaf. If you want to know the truth of where I was before the accident, you can ask Shirley."

"I have no recollection of what happened," Shirley said, "I was hypnotized."

Mr. Poe coughed into his handkerchief. "Jane, it's clear that Shirley _was_ hypnotized."

Tears rushed to my eyes. " _Hypnotized_?" I yelled, "You actually believe Shirley who helped Dr. Orwell hypnotize Klaus and tied me down to a bed to try to do the same to me? You actually believe Foreman Flacutono who purposely tripped Klaus and tied Charles to a log to be fed to a sawing machine? And you refuse to believe us? We may be children but we're not stupid." My voice broke. Violet put a comforting arm around my shoulders. Klaus stared at Shirley, his eyes filled with anger. Sunny shrieked something in agreement.

"If you want proof," Shirley said, gazing at me with shiny eyes, "We can visit my office. There's a nameplate with my name on it in there."

"I'd never go anywhere with you. And nameplates don't prove anything," I growled, "You're a liar."

"Jane, please, calm down," Mr. Poe said, "Forgive the children Shirley, everything that happened with Dr. Orwell has made them upset. But if you don't mind, I would like to take a look at your left ankle."

"It's rude to look at a lady's legs." Shirley said, "You must know that."

"If you aren't Count Olaf there won't be a tattoo of an eye on your ankle," Mr. Poe said.

Shirley's eyes shone even brighter. "And what if it _does_?" she asked. "What if it _does_ have a tattoo of an eye?" She pulled up her skirt. I didn't have to look. I knew the tattoo would be there. I didn't want any reminders of what haunted my dreams every night.

"Then you, are Count Olaf and you are under arrest," Mr. Poe said, "Now take off your disguise."

"Does that include me?" Foreman Flacutono said, pulling off his wig, showing his bald scalp. Then he ripped off the hospital mask revealing a long nose. He glowered at us with his beady eyes.

"It's the bald man with the long nose!" Klaus cried.

"Plemo!" Sunny shrieked. I didn't need a translation, I understood who Foreman Flacutono really was. Frankly, I wasn't surprised he was one of Olaf's henchmen.

"You Count Olaf are under arrest for," Mr. Poe began to name a long list of crimes, "and you," he nodded to the bald man, "are under arrest for helping him."

Olaf merely shrugged, his wig falling off his head and gave us one of his all too familiar smiles. "This book helped you orphans," he said, staring at each of us with his gleaming eyes, "and now it is going to help me!" He threw the book at the window, causing it to shatter. The bald man climbed through the hole and Count Olaf followed.

"I'll be back, orphans!" he hollered, "I won't rest until I have your fortunes and your lives!"

Mr. Poe called out after them as usual but they ran as fast as they could away from Paltryville. They could have walked and it wouldn't have made a difference. I knew like always, Olaf would escape.

Sir moved to the window. "Don't come back!" he roared, "The children won't be here anymore."

"What do you mean?" Mr. Poe asked. "They kept their side of the deal."

"I don't care," Sir said, "These children cause too much trouble."

"But Sir-" Charles tried.

"I'm the boss here," Sir interrupted, "I have the last say. And I say the children will go to boarding school as they are not welcome here anymore."

"Do you think we can call the police?" Violet asked, "And settle this matter later."

"That's a good idea," Mr. Poe said, "Can I use the phone?"

"Fine," Sir grumbled, "But I'm not discussing the matter any further. Make me a milkshake Charles."

"Yes, Sir," Charles replied and followed the two adults out the door. He paused at the door to address us. "I'm sorry I won't be seeing you children."

"I'm sorry for what I did to you," Klaus said.

"It wasn't your fault," Charles said, sympathetically as Phil shuffled up behind him.

"What happened?" he asked.

"Count Olaf got away," I said, "We revealed to Mr. Poe and the others that he was Shirley in disguise but…he always gets away. And now we're being sent to boarding school."

"Well," Phil said, " if you look at the bright side, you're very lucky."

We looked at him oddly.

"What do you mean?" Violet asked.

"Well, you are alive. That's pretty lucky." He said.

I smiled at Phil and Charles who had been so nice to us.

They left and the Baudelaire's and I sat down in the library.

"They were right you know," I said, staring out the window where Olaf and his assistant had escaped. Sunlight poured in, casting a glow on the room. "We are pretty lucky."

Violet smiled. "Yes, we're lucky that you and Klaus were able to invent something to save Charles even though you aren't inventors."

"That was all Klaus," I said, "he was the mastermind behind that."

Klaus' cheeks turned pink. "We're lucky that Violet found the command word even though she's not a researcher. And we're lucky that Jane was able to unhypnotize me. By the way you need to explain exactly how you discovered it."

"We're lucky that Klaus isn't going to be hypnotized forever," I said, tears filling my eyes as I thought of how close I'd been to losing him.

Klaus smiled.

Sunny shrieked something that Klaus translated, "And we're lucky that I was able to fight Dr. Orwell, if I do say so myself."

I laughed. "Sunny saved the day." I held up my hand and she high-fived it with her little hand.

"What _did_ happen to you?" Violet asked me.

I explained sneaking into Shirley's office to find the information to save Klaus and how I'd been caught. Violet and Sunny knew about the Mathilda thing now. The only thing I had neglected to tell them was my hatred for boarding schools and how I didn't lose my parents in a fire.

"You did that to save me?" Klaus asked, shocked.

"Well I wasn't going to watch you walk around like a zombie forever," I teased.

Klaus laughed. "Well, thank you."

"No problem," I said, "We're also lucky because…no matter where we go next or what happens there…we'll always have each other."

They smiled. "So we do have a good amount of luck," Klaus said.

Sunny said something that Violet explained meant, "Let's hope it lasts."

* * *

This is the end of this part. I'm making the next guardian/place in a seperate story. I'll post a link for the next part on here when i can! :)

Here's the link: **.net/s/6657186/1/Never_Say_Never_The_Dreary_Drama**


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